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  • Sleeping with Other People

    Sleeping with Other People

    ★★★★

    sometimes good movies have one scene that makes you want to grate your own face off and that scene is the one where jason sudeikis mansplains female masturbation in a way that makes it sound so painful and bad that i had to double-check the screenplay wasn't written by a man

  • Tanner Hall

    Tanner Hall

    ★★½

    obviously i was bad at being a closeted lesbian because no straight girl ever invited me to get in a bath with her OR tried to teach me how to kiss

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  • Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    imagine having to go up to a harry potter fan from 2008 and explain some of this shit to them. 
    "so," you'd say, voice breaking, "here's the thing. dumbledore's secret brother, who is at least 20 years younger than dumbledore, was in a relationship with voldemort's snake." 
    "wait, so aberforth fucks goats and this new one fucks snakes?" they'd say, laughing with the blissful ignorance of not yet thinking this is real.
    "well, she's sort of human."
    "oh, like an…

  • Black Panther

    Black Panther

    ★★★★½

    just a warning for all u bisexuals out there: you won't survive this movie. you just won't. i'm a lesbian and i was experiencing heart palpitations every time michael b. jordan was onscreen. please, save yourselves