Andy has written 37 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • The Hungover Games

    The Hungover Games

    Given that it was only the 3rd of January when my wife suggested we watch this pile of excrement, giving it the title of the worst film I'll see this year may be premature? It was however so bad, that there was a point when even the nudity wasn't holding my attention. What can I say, a nice pair of tits may just sway me away from the dreaded half star ranking, I'm shallow that way, but this shit...........boy was…

  • The Fanatic

    The Fanatic

    "You went full retard man. Never go full retard". If only John Travolta had listened to Kirk Lazarus, maybe he'd still have a career worth talking about. Given the tragic loss of Travolta's wife Kelly Preston only last month, I felt really bad about slaughtering this film which is truly among the worst movies that I have ever seen, so big John is going to get a pass just this once, we'll focus our vitriol and abuse towards that cunt…

  • Demystifying the Devil: Biography Marilyn Manson

    Demystifying the Devil: Biography Marilyn Manson

    I always find that it's really interesting to look back on a documentary 20 years after it's release and see just how much of it they got right and how much of it was bullshit. Predictions of where the subject will go next also comes into play, and shit did these people get it wrong.

    The main problem with this documentary is that little piece of writing at the bottom of the poster, "An Unauthorized Biography". In other words this…

  • Holmes & Watson

    Holmes & Watson

    There are few comedic double acts around that have delivered the laughs that Will Ferrell and John C Reilly have in the likes of Talladega Nights and Step Brothers, but Ferrell's comedic limitations and poor choices are becoming apparent with one misfire after another. Holmes & Watson got overwhelmingly bad reviews and barely scraped back it's budget, and for once those opinions about it being one of the worst cinematic releases of 2018 were absolutely spot on.

    I'd just watched Hangman…

  • Hot Bot

    Hot Bot

    This is the second time in a couple of weeks that Netflix has managed to fool me into watching something with a scantily-clad young lady in the trailer. Just like Girls With Balls however, this film flatters to deceive despite starring a couple of decent comedy actors and a fetching blonde in the lead role playing a sex bot. It's pants, much worse than I anticipated, and how this director fucked up what was a comedy-laden concept is beyond me.…

  • Secret Obsession

    Secret Obsession

    30 Films in 7 Days Challenge-film#-20

    When my wife came home from work of Thursday she excitedly asked how my 30 film challenge was coming along, because she'd heard of a film that she'd like to watch with me. It had apparently been on Facebook that it was terrifying, that people had struggled to sleep after watching it, and since she was so hyped for it, I thought we'd give it a go. Oh fuck , what a pile of…

  • The 7 Adventures of Sinbad

    The 7 Adventures of Sinbad

    I was invited for lunch at my mother-in-laws on Sunday along with my wife and a couple of my in-laws friends. I'd had a late night on Saturday and wasn't entirely in the mood for conversation, but as I sat on a lovely big sofa trying desperately not to nod off, I became transfixed on a movie on the SY-FY Channel that was playing in the background. Now I've seen some right old rubbish over the years, and this was…

  • Caligula

    Caligula

    I watched this film just the once, about seven years ago, and didn't quite finish it. It was the uncut version, and although I like a bit of nudity as much as the next guy, I found it to be too explicitly vulgar. It was a mix of torture porn, un-simulated sex scenes, and Malcolm McDowell being Malcolm McDowell. On this rewatch I actually managed to finish the whole film, and unfortunately my opinion hasn't changed that much.

    Tinto Brass…

  • Gotti

    Gotti

    This is my 5629th film logged on my movie diary that began back in September of 2009. Of those movies and documentaries, I've only dished out 48 half star rankings. A couple of entries such as Shoah haven't had a ranking at all, in respect for the subject matter, but I do take slaughtering a film with a half star ranking fairly seriously. There's been others that have deserved it, but given my love for Nic Cage etc, a few…

  • Spawn

    Spawn

    This comic-book mess was brought to the screen at a cost of $45 million dollars back in 1997. Most of it was spent on some expensive but shoddy looking special effects from big name companies like Lucas' ILM. To say this is a B-movie would be disrespectful to B-movies, because this was bad with a capital B.
    It's hardly surprising that Black Panther is held in such high esteem for promoting positivity and strengthening African-American stereotypes within the superhero genre,…

  • Denis Leary: No Cure for Cancer

    Denis Leary: No Cure for Cancer

    Ted Demme's filmography doesn't read quite as well as his illustrious uncle Jonathans. More akin to television specials rather than Oscar baiting movies or legendary concert films, his untimely death at the age of 38 back in 2002 cut short a career with potential rather than a fixed path towards greatness. A firm friend of comedian Denis Leary, it was Demme who would direct Leary's early nineties stand-up special No Cure For Cancer, a show I'd avoided like the plague…

  • Don't Blink

    Don't Blink

    Another of the wife's choices, this really was 92 minutes of my life that I'll never get fucking back. Whoever wrote this shit deserves to be erased himself, and to call this a psychological horror is possibly false advertising, because it's neither, and shit.
    Ten numpties visit a remote resort. Ooooohh sounds fucking scary doesn't it? Does it bollocks. They then one by one start to disappear in the blink of an eye, catchy title that, and that is the…