Don't Worry Darling

Don't Worry Darling

funny that NOPE is still on the "popular this week" piece of the front page but like every review of this movie is a joke about how much fun its media circus was to consume. great work you guys. didnt watch this, not going to watch this if i can help it, the rest of this review is now about robo-ky, a magical mechanical man who i have fallen in love with.

you guys ever play guilty gear accent core? that is some good times. in that game dwells a fella, went by the name of robo-ky. he's a robot version of ky, one of the main guys from guilty gear. i play robo-ky, mostly out of some solemn vow i took as a kid to find the strangest most complicated obtuse character in any fighting game and then learn that character. and man is robo-ky obtuse on paper. he is some bullshit. he has to manually charge his meter because he is a shitty robot. and you want to do this a lot because his special moves cost meter. yeah man no joke.

one pip out of 16 gets you a special move, and those special moves are pretty fucking integral to robo-ky's gameplan. imagine if it took some meter for ryu to shoot a hadoken. and if ryu didnt have meter he just shot out a stupid slow fireball that stops being active in like 24 frames. if you dont have meter then you just lose an entire pillar of your character and have to use your normals instead. that sounds bad right right? well good news: he's got lots ways to get a lot of meter, more than any other character in GG. he can steal it from his opponents with a command grab, he can throw down a charging mat that gives him 3-4 pips of meter if he's standing in it, he has this running move (actually a joke towards an old old OLD mechanic from the first GG) that if he lands it and holds still after, he taunts and builds a shitton of meter off that. and if he's REALLY desperate he can run an last-resort overclock/self-destruct install super that just builds it automatically. it starts to feel like another kind of resource entirely, something beyond mere meter.

once you get enough meter your special moves get really really fucking good while still only costing the one bit of meter. robo-ky's fireball gets so good it's basically a super for 1/8th meter now coming back to ryu, picture that ryu can now fire five shinku hadokens for half-price of a regular shinku hadokens until he has to get his meter back up. you can load up on meter and play the zoning game for entire matches and never break so much as a nail.

but that's not all. if you play too aggressive with robo-ky's good pokes, he overheats and explode, taking some damage and giving your opponent a hard knockdown. you can vent the heat before it gets too high though, and if you're at the redline (i'm not joking the heat system is physically represented as a spedometer on your side of the screen) your normals do almost double damage and extra hitstun. so the character becomes a performance of building meter, getting overheat to the redline but not exploding, and influencing your opponent's options for acting on those resources.

"but declan, but declan!" you might say. "declan, no matter how good this character can BECOME, you're still starting the match as the absolute worst version of this character! and he's got more plates to spin than any other character in the game! good lord, i think ZAPPA's gameplan is simpler than this!" yup. that's a great point. but what's "absolute worst" for robo-ky? if robo-ky is magikarp, what does that mean?

it means at worst, you're always going to be doing something that benefits your resources while keeping your opponent conditioned to not approach. you have no meter, but you ALSO have no heat to worry about, so you can throw your best normals out and get your knockdown to build meter without needing to vent the heat. here's my most basic explanation of optimal robo-ky from frame one of the match.

okay. round start. if you're not blocking low—and you're not playing as justice so you're not blocking low—i'm going with robo-ky's 2k->2s->mat throw. you're on the ground, the hard-knockdown, i have a mat thrown because of 2d so while we're sittin here i'm gaining meter. you get up, go for a safe wakeup DP. doesn't matter. i instant-block, giving me more meter for about 40%-50% meter within seconds of starting the match. when you land, i use the command throw and sap your last bit of meter for at least another pip, giving me every single meter resource i need within two exchanges. because it's a command throw, you get knocked down again. i throw mat. now i'm full-up on meter and can play this match however i choose depending on character matchup for the next few exchanges until we do this dance again. but we get there when we get there. and you know i can block wakeup DP.

don't watch these glib movies that won't dare to say anything you don't already know. this drivel and all its relatives in hollywood are built for the passionless, who want glib trailer-friendly "cinematography" and an easy engagement-optimal "message" wrapped in "difficult" subject matter. these movies are impeding your own standards and hollowing you out in ways you have been told not to register. watch better stuff—quality is more objective and easier to find than you have been led to believe—and learn something that engages you as an actual human being. like an instrument. or accent core. play me in accent core and i will show you what it means to be a beast.

(edited sept 30 2022, touched up RK's gameplan and review summation)

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