• Carnage

    Carnage

    ★★★★★

    “I believe in the god of carnage”
    - Alan Cowan

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    ★★★★

    wow

  • An American Pickle

    An American Pickle

    ★★★½

    Everybody know Jesus Christ mother was prostitute and she invent story of Christianity to cover up fact that she prostitute. So, if you believe in Jesus you are stupid idiot.

  • How to Build a Girl

    How to Build a Girl

    ★★★

    Beanie Feldstein is to Brummies what Dick Van Dyke is to Cockneys.

  • Sea Fever

    Sea Fever

    ½

    Dougray Scot - *does Irish accent*

    Me - is he supposed to be Indian?

  • Palm Springs

    Palm Springs

    ★★★½

    I got you, babe.

  • Greyhound

    Greyhound

    ★★★½

    How will the moronic general public tell the difference between the ships and the U-Boats?

    Uh

    Uh

    Uh

    Make ‘em....make the U-Boats scream like whales?

    *round of applause so loud that coronavirus dies*

  • The Gift

    The Gift

    Hard to rate because my drunk wife told me the ending halfway through the film for some inexplicable reason.

  • Bad Trip

    Bad Trip

    ★★★★

    Yo brotendo, do you mind if I bathe your wife?

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    ½

    To paraphrase the great Homer Simpson, I wish I were extinct.

  • The Trip to Greece

    The Trip to Greece

    ★★★★

    In the space of a few months this perfectly normal film is now very much like watching some crazy relic from a bygone era. Mere acquaintances sharing cars, eating in restaurants, staying in hotels, what kind of crazy shit is this? They should do a covid-special called The Trip to the Kitchen. Nice clean fun, folks! How about a song!

  • Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Why split the twins up? For what purpose? To “keep them safe”? WTF? So you split them up by sending Leia off with the diplomat fellah but send Luke to a place that Anakin has very recently visited? Why? How is that safe? See, Prequel Yoda is fucking shit. Absolutely fucking useless. He couldn’t defeat Count Dooku and he couldn’t defeat the Emperor. He just spins around looking “cool”. That’s it. All his powers, and all of the other Jedi…