Aquaman ★★½

a series of notes i took during the 2018 film Aquaman:

• james wan is such a good action/vfx director
• the only two good fight scenes go to nicole kidman and amber heard, but just like all the other fight scenes, they are shot like the 4D harry potter ride at universal studios for some reason
• this script is... very bad
• the world of atlantis is fucking gorgeous
• jason momoa plays aquaman like a cartoon character for some reason, which would maybe be charming if everyone else wasn't playing it like shakespeare
• there’s this dumb vocal effect on all the underwater dialogue that would make sense if there were one or two scenes underwater, but when the entire thing is underwater it’s distracting as hell
• out of every superhero movie i've ever seen, there hasn't been a moment that has complicated the rules of the world more than the moment where our heroes jump out of a plane and skydive straight into the desert sand miles below without feeling any pain whatsoever
• the underwater hair effects are cool as hell!!!!
• fewer things have been more ruinous to big budget film than iron man convincing the world that the secret to a good superhero movie is constant wisecracks and one-liners. it absolutely sucks. let emotional moments land, let fight scenes feel like they have actual stakes, let your audience go five minutes without being reminded that your characters have a fucking sense of humor. people are being murdered for fuck’s sake
• ....why did aquaman and mera ever need a boat
• ok the sequence of them going into the kingdom of the trench? absolutely cool as fuck. i watched that shit twice
• aquaman, destroyer, and boy erased. this is the weirdest fucking year for nicole kidman
• i cannot believe jason momoa spends this entire fucking movie wearing a tunic and some god awful loose khaki beach bum pants
• julie andrews??????????????
• aquaman's king outfit looks fucking hilarious. the phrase "is this your king" popped into my brain almost reflexively
• this movie is clearly built to be a video game, so congratulations to the developers of the inevitable video game on landing an easy job
• there is not one dramatic moment of this movie that works, but patrick wilson saying “call me… ocean master” is maybe the one that works the least

all in all, i give aquaman a "this is a movie" out of five stars

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