The Counselor

The Counselor ★★

booooooooooring

I was really hoping this would be over the top, fun trash, but all these flashy colorful looks on the poster are no indicator for the actual film.
The first couple minutes I was still game, I mean, I got some ridiculously bad/entertaining sex talk between Michael Fassbender and Penélope Cruz. But the rest of the film is just so whatever, how are straight men so interested in these drug cartel stories, I don't get it.
Cameron Diaz was literally the only reason I watched this to the end, how on earth dare people say she was the worst part of the film, when she was the only one who understood the assignment. The dialogue was ridiculous so she gave us that. Javier Bardem is always whacky, so he doesn't really count (he kinda looked like Ben from Below Deck here). Brad Pitt gave me nothing. Penélope Cruz had nothing to do. Rosie Perez was underused. And Michael Fassbender took it so seriously, does he have to cry in every movie? Don't get me wrong I love it when he does that, but babe, show a little range.
Does this film think it's cool?
Also, I'm not really sure what the details of the plot are, because I always zoned out when there was dialogue between two men.