Lady Bird

Lady Bird ★★★★½

My heart...

So quick talk about my life right now. I’m a 16 years old dude, in “High School” which is called “Gymnasium” here in Germany. It’s a private school, catholic. I do believe in God etc. which may seem for some silly I don’t really care actually. I don’t have any friends, well one but...after school we don’t meet each other’s. I don’t have a girlfriend or had sex. I never smoke, never drink, never did something which can cause me in trouble. Recently I was in Spanish class and a girl next to me smoke weed. I kind of hate my life and in a way I love it, which is normal for my age. I have to learn a lot. “Lady Bird” summed up my feeling perfectly.

So like “Lady Bird” I hate where I live. I know every corner. Every street. Every person. And I kind of hate everyone. Is it normal? Pretty sure it may be. I don’t know. Anyway. I want to live in America, not California because my parents said it’s not good there. I don’t know I never lived in California or in the USA in general so I don’t know. But I will trust my parents on this one. I want to live in L.A. Because...movies. Writing scripts, directing etc. but it’s obviously expensive. So we think about Texas. Yeah why not. When we been there last summer I wasn’t satisfied. It felt empty. But I told my parents that I loved Texas so we can move to America.

I was nearly born in the USA. My parents lived there for over 15 years and 6 months (I believe) before I was born there they moved to Germany and I’m so so mad I’m not American. I hate my culture here. The music. the past. the people here. Everything is strict. No freedom. Nobody in my age ever heard of “Rush”, RIP Neill Peart btw.. School is basically telling me, you won’t make anything in your life which sucks. Get a decent job or anything. Maybe I’m telling it to myself? I don’t know. So anyway. I wanted to be American so badly. I love the food there, music, culture...I mean everything. Some American reading this will say “hey it’s not heaven!” and I get that but...my heart telling me the whole time “Go to America!”.

Also I wanted to be in High school there. It seems more fun. School here is extremely hard and yeah...maybe in America too, but at least people in my age there know about movies or music...I think?

When I watched the movie my heart hurt so much, because I wanted to be her! I wanted to live in Sacramento. I wanted to have the friend she has. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted to be in her High School. Everything she “hated” or let’s say she wanted to run away from I would die to have. I will never be American. I was born in a different country. I will probably never experience the High School the way she did. I’m 16 years old already. I can’t change the past. And it hurts so much.

I’m sorry, if you “cringed” while reading this. I just written something down, without a structure or plan or something. Like my feelings etc. But thanks for reading

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