• The Gentlemen

    The Gentlemen


    Just watch it for Hugh Grant, ok?

    I'm pretty sure he's flipping off Guy Ritchie in his own film without him knowing it.

  • Black Adam

    Black Adam

    A cold, stale, expired Happy Meal.

    Without the toy.

  • Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

    Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio


    This is probably the first time since Pan's Labyrinth that del Toro manages to capture that inner, childlike fascination with terror, innocence and fantasy so unbelievably well in a love song to cinema, the art of moviemaking and being true to oneself. It is beautiful, terrifying and truthful. An absolute triumph.

    Now imagine feeling all that and going on one of the few places on the internet to discuss movies and reading the popular reviews.

    What the fuck is going on?

  • Thor: Love and Thunder

    Thor: Love and Thunder


    This is like one of those obnoxious 'omg I'm so random!' people, wearing a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt.

    Painfully unfunny and insincere, sucking out any potential for actual 'shit at stake'-ness.

    Also doesn't help that basically everyone seems to treat this as a third rate over budgeted pantomime.

    Ironically, the actual pantomime bit in the film was brilliant.

  • Strange World

    Strange World


    We need a new word for something that is bland as fuck, but still kind of fun


    Anyways, this is as blafund as it gets.

  • Barbarian



    Now, the fact that a horror movie manages to surprise me (I've really seen far too many) is always a treat to me. The fact that it accompanies this with a perfectly paced script that really keeps you guessing where the hell it's going next and an antagonist that is as gnarly as it is compelling, is a humongous shitload of icing on the cake.

    Barbarian delivers on all fronts. It's tense, gory and manages to subvert a fair amount of tropes. I hope Zach Gregger keeps exploring the genre. He's quite good at it.

  • Everything Everywhere All at Once

    Everything Everywhere All at Once


    Superb in any and every universe.

    Without rival.

  • Prey



    No pretence, no faffing about, just a solid ass monster movie with a fantastic protagonist, brilliant gore, a clever setting and a dog.

    One does not need anything else.

  • Midsommar



    Such a shame if you don't vibe with Aster, you're missing out.

    I'm just very happy I do, making Midsommar yet another unsettling modern horror masterpiece crafted by someone who truly knows his shit.

  • The Batman

    The Batman


    Totally immersed in its gritty, bleak and dark as hell vibe. In that respect it is definitely one of the most successful Batman films, perhaps only surpassed in its commitment to style by the Burton Batman movies and Batman Begins.

    It sports some superb action sequences and overall outstanding acting but there's just one thing I can't get over.

    It's so fucking long.

    I'm not talking about the actual running time, I have no problems with 3 hour movies. But…

  • Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

    Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Hot gay Dumbledore vs Magical Lecter might sound like a treat but it really, really isn't.

    This is a movie about magic with the magic of movies beaten out of it by soulless writing, poor performances and above all so much nonsensical shit making it an arduous task to trudge through this sludge of vapid sepia coloured bullshit.

  • G.I. Jane

    G.I. Jane


    Like a slap in the face.