Jeff Bridges runs to and from explosions in slow motion. Tommy Lee Jones dances to U2.
Brian De Palma is unparalleled in the ability to make a film that is both brilliant and terrible.
For every epic horseback riding, shotgun shootout- he'll also feel the need to give you forty minutes of a baby stroller going up and down stairs, scored with the demented twinkle of royalty-free instrumental lullabies.
And towards the end of the movie, if there's a fantastic footchase ultimately leading the hero to commit murder in a heart-stopping moment of moral compromise... don't worry, ol' Brian will ruin it with a remarkably bad greenscreen close-up of the villain wailing hysterically as he plummets to his death.
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
If the dry, slightly dark humor of my previous review was too much for you- then I think this movie will be too.
There. You can stop panicking in the comments now and just go see it when it comes out in theatres. Or don't. Whatever man.