DoctorDoom has written 21 reviews for films during 2020.

  • There Will Be Blood

    There Will Be Blood

    The title refers to what will happen to me when Film Twitter finds this review

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    Absolute claptrap. Two hours and fifteen minutes of contempt for art, culture and humanity at large distilled into indie darling "surreal psychological thriller as metaphorical trauma portrait" checklist soup. I seriously considered giving this a one star if not for Jessie Buckley single-handedly trying her damnedest to keep it above water. Another one of those movies that thinks it's skewering its male lead to make A Point™ about how the female lead is treated when everything in its structure and…

  • Noah

    Noah

    First half of this is brilliant. From the beginning all the way to the flood, I was completely enraptured by the world Aronofsky created, a place that feels biblical in every meaning of the word. Based on scripture, yes, but also grand and majestic in ways that evoke Peter Jackson and Gareth Edwards, a massive canvas upon which stories of a scale we can only barely come to fathom unravel before our eyes. I loved the Watchers, the stark portrayal…

  • Drag Me to Hell

    Drag Me to Hell

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    If I was cursed to burn for all eternity I would simply double check to make sure I had the correct envelope before passing it on. RIP to Christine but I'm different

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

    Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Climax: The Movie™

    This is going to take a while, and yes, you absolutely can take that as a joke about the running time. Overall I like this movie but there's some things we need to talk about

    1) Jack Sparrow

    Jack Sparrow does not work when he doesn't have other characters to bounce off of. This is the mistake 4 and 5 made; as a solo lead, he's just chaotic antics with no anchor. This is why the Sparrow-Will-Elizabeth…

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

    Fuck it, this rules

    Great sequel that builds on everything from its predecessor and actually dares to evolve rather than spin in place. Not content to replicate previous success, Dead Man's Chest goes bolder and digs deeper to put its cast of characters through genuine challenges. Where the world in the first one felt neat and tidy and at least somewhat tethered to our reality, here it spills its guts out and expands the elements of macabre fantasy and a…

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

    Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

    ★★★★★

    This movie is a miracle. Every single revisit over the years has me still in shock that a theme park ride was adapted into one of the all-time great adventure films. A genuinely great screenplay that deftly balances stakes, emotion, humour, characters and world-building. Plot mechanics are very much on the surface but it works because watching every cog in the machine lock into place is an endlessly satisfying collection of set-ups and payoffs. They absolutely should teach this script…

  • Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • Little Women

    Little Women

    ★★★★★

    It so easily could have gone wrong.

    Life as an experience not just felt, but told. The streets we walk as children, the ones full of hope and promise, are the same ones we walk years later, as we return to find little more than melancholic echoes. Colours fade, fireplaces grow cold, the mailbox we used as kids now abandoned. We wonder, perhaps, if the joy we felt the last time we were here was real, or if it was…

  • The Old Guard

    The Old Guard

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The movie that the ending teases for the sequel would have been infinitely more compelling than the movie we actually got to see.

    Reheated leftovers from a Bryan Singer X-Men screenplay retrofitted into a bland Highlander riff that papers over having no worthwhile new ideas with a nominal commitment to diversity. Nice touch, but it'd be way better if the characters were interesting or if I cared about what happens to them. So much potential for creative combat with a…

  • Tarzan

    Tarzan

    Jane Porter's got a wagon and was one of the first characters I had a sexual reaction to as a child, meaning she's probably responsible for me having such a huge thing for English women, so thanks, Tarzan

  • The Blob

    The Blob

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    An exercise in sheer brutality.

    The original The Blob didn't really do it for me. Painfully slow for a movie under 90 minutes, and its 50's-era charm never made it more than a novelty in my eyes. I did appreciate the opening theme song and silly tone, which fit the film's status as a genuine B-Movie made independent any studio's financial backing, but overall, I thought it was a great idea for a movie monster that didn't get the chance…