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  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★★★½

    You know those movies that make you remember why it is that you love cinema? Happy to announce that Knives Out is one of those movies. I have elected to forget the period in my life where I had never experienced the joys of such a film. That is all of my life, but so be it! I don't know the last time I felt so fucking endeared to a movie. I love Knives Out's fearlessness; what it is covering…

  • Cats

    Cats

    ★★★

    By now, you're probably aware that Cats has had a reception not dissimilar to Harold Shipman at a nursing home Christmas party. Seemingly doomed from the start, Cats has went from a perturbing trailer to a career-ending car crash from which no one will recover. 1.5 star average? Yikes.

    And technically? A horrific film. The obfuscating cinematography and embarrassing visual effects come together to create a grimy, frightening orgasm of feline moans and dank, dark London streets that calls to…

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  • John Wick

    John Wick

    ★★

    Disregarding all personal feeling and addressing this film from a purely technical standpoint, John Wick is nothing short of a neo-noir masterpiece. Brimming with zany, fast-paced action sequences, careening ahead from Russian mobster fight to Russian mobster fight, this is clearly a top-notch production, and one centred around a magnanimously sombre Keanu Reeves performance that is him at his absolute peak. It's scant on plot and depth, going in guns-a-blazing in an epic show of the best Hollywood's stunt coordinators…

  • Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

    Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

    ★★★½

    If you really, deeply need to know my thoughts on this dumb, dumb film - my last review sums it up pretty well. All I have to say is that this is super charming, I miss real-life Eurovision and this gets even better on a rewatch. Husavik could easily win Eurovision, so get on that, Iceland.

    October 2020, Ranked

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  • Moonrise Kingdom

    Moonrise Kingdom

    ★★★★★

    I adore the medium of film. The fact that anything can happen, in any place, any time period, excites me in a way nothing else can. Of course, there's the stinkers of the movie world, but for every unfortunate event playing out on screen, there's two or three prodigious ones. However, the film world may be dandy and fresh, but there's one thing that has always got on my nerves.

    Whenever a child star portrays a lead character in a…

  • Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

    Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

    ★★★★★

    This is the greatest film I've ever seen. Singin' in the Rain may be insurmountably good, but even with its great musical numbers and the unbeatable Jean Hagen, it still hasn't left a mark on me like Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) has. Almost an hour after seeing it, I'm still respiring for air, thanks to its exhilarating nature, still letting its many wonderful sequences travel into my pores. It transcended the screen it was on, and entered…