Daniel Patterson

turn off everyone’s motion smoothing for eternal good luck

Favorite films

  • Before Sunset
  • The Social Network
  • In the Mood for Love
  • The Nice Guys

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  • Thor: Love and Thunder

    ★★½

  • The Princess

    ★★½

  • Furie

    ★★★½

  • What We Do in the Shadows

    ★★★★½

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  • Thor: Love and Thunder

    Thor: Love and Thunder

    ★★½

    This is what happens when a bunch of talented people don’t try on the group project because it worked last time. More than anything, it functions like your regular disappointing comedy sequel. Ragnarok felt like a happy accident, this is consciously trying to do it again but MORE (…and most being unsuccessful). There’s more jokes and yet it’s never as funny as before. It goes for big emotional swings and the impact is neutered by the mismanagement of tone—which Taika…

  • Elvis

    Elvis

    ★★★½

    Trust Baz to take the stale structure of a musical biopic and basically turn in into a superhero movie where Tom Hanks plays a megalomaniacal, smirking supervillain. This has so many Choices™, so much energy, so much editing, so much camera spinning that it’s impossible not to feel under-stimulated. If you’re going to do a cradle to grave biopic, Baz may as well make it feel huge. There was never going to be another way, even if the final third hits too many familiar notes. Austin Butler is a movie star. The Toxic + Viva Las Vegas mashup is the best sonic creation of all time.

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  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    ★★½

    Just over the moon… that we got a hint of that sweet Electro theme!

    Contains some legitimately great Spider-Man moments in a film that feels like it’s built around scene and character-based concepts rather than being a tightly coalesced whole. Thankfully the annoying Disney Channel tone of Far from Home is mostly gone and Holland can give a performance that actually has a bit of weight at points. Still, this feels like fanfic where some of the fanfic is fun,…

  • Eternals

    Eternals

    ★★

    The Tree of Life for people who watch four movies a year.

    Get ready and prepare your whole body for a slow and painful death via mind-pulverising exposition. Can't believe how one of the most tender and humanist filmmakers on the planet can make something this muddled, meandering and platitudinous (except I kinda can because the mighty mouse house doesn't discriminate). No number of flat golden hour shots can save what could be the worst paced blockbuster of the last…