• Die Another Day

    Die Another Day

    ★½

    Die Another Day begins with bond surfing into North Korea, which is pretty hilarious and absurd, but kind of fun at the same time. If anything, you know you are in for a super silly Bond. And then the Madonna Bond theme song comes on and you’re like "what the fuck is this bullshit?" Actual lyrics: “Sigmund Freud / Analyze this / Analyze this / Analyze this / (echo) this this this.” And now you aren't so sure how good…

  • Phil Spector

    Phil Spector

    ★★★½

    Al Pacino carries this movie for the most part. Helen Mirren is good, and Tambor is OK, but this is really all about Pacino’s performance.

    It’s crazy how that stupid Afro wig may have lost Spector the case. Personally I think he is guilty, but court cases have nothing to do with truth.

    Weirdly enough, Phil Spector works well with I'm Still Here, which I watched the day before. Both being about celebrities in a free fall, albeit in different ways, to the bottom.

  • I'm Still Here

    I'm Still Here

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I'm Still Here is a bit of an enigma. Is it commentary on society's pandering to celeb whim projects? Or is it just a commentary on actors' second professions usually being hilariously bad (like Jeremy Renner)? Everyone knows that it is a mockumentary, but why was it made?

    It’s definitely saying something, but it’s hard to parse out exactly what it is saying. Undeniably it’s satirizing bloated celebrity egos and to a lesser degree the absurdity of celebrity itself.

    I…

  • The World Is Not Enough

    The World Is Not Enough

    ★★

    Pop culture in the late 90s feels like it was spinning out of control. This was the era of Limp Bizkit, Britney Spears, and the looming spectre of the Y2K bug. The World Is Not Enough is a product of these times.

    It opens with a boat chase scene that is nonsensical and almost appears to be parody. Am I just supposed to believe a boat can drive like a car on roads? Because that's what it does, it drives…

  • Tomorrow Never Dies

    Tomorrow Never Dies

    ★★½

    Tomorrow Never Dies has the distinction of being one of those movies I have seen multiple times, but I don't remember anything about. And now after rewatching, it is quickly slipping from my memory again, except this time I can't help but think it is too heavily influenced by Police Story 3. Not just because of Michelle Yeoh, but because of every way in which Brosnan interacts with her. That is probably what I will remember most.

    The bond Villain…

  • GoldenEye

    GoldenEye

    ★★★★

    I'm rewatching every Bond film, but I am doing it in reverse order—starting with Craig, then to Brosnan, then to Dalton, etc. It's been a time traveling adventure so far.

    The switchover from the Brosnan to Craig era highlights that sometime in the early 2000s we collectively decided to no longer like laser gadgets and what not in our movies. We could probably call this phenomenon the “Bourne Effect.” We decided to quit being haunted by cool technology that never…

  • My Teacher, My Obsession

    My Teacher, My Obsession

    ½

    First off, the teacher in this is unforgivably guilty and it is disgusting, but when the student seduces the teacher and says “consider that my thesis statement” that was pure absurdist comedy.

  • No Time to Die

    No Time to Die

    ★★★½

    No Time to Die begins with a scene that reminded me of a job I just quit. After a horrible year of mismanagement and toxicity, my bosses told us to write down our problems and gripes on a sheet of paper and throw these sheets of paper into a trash can that was on fire in the parking lot. We were supposed to now let go of whatever complaint was written on the paper—much like Bond and Madeleine did at…

  • Quarantine Relationship

    Quarantine Relationship

    ½

    Pandemic exploitation at its absolute most amateur. Is it even fair to count this as movie? Heavy heavy "graphic design is my passion" vibes here.

    Oh, and someone literally says the titular line.

  • Child's Play 3

    Child's Play 3

    ★★★½

    The opening credits of a doll melting with gore makes me think about how far humans have gone to imitate death and what it may look like in its most horrible forms. Why do we do that? It fascinates me, and I know there is a book about this somewhere that I would love to read.

    With the Play Pals Corporation wanting to manufacture Good Guys no matter the horrendous crazy history of the doll, Child's Play 3 is loaded…

  • Child's Play 2

    Child's Play 2

    ★★★½

    In a twisted way it’s hilarious that Child's Play 2 begins with the mom from number one being offscreen and in a mental institution. She fought so hard to save her son in the first movie only to be committed to an institution and have zero screen time in the second. To add insult to injury, Andy moves on to his new family and barely mentions her.

    A couple of stray thoughts worth mentioning:

    1. The older foster kid Kyle…

  • Child's Play

    Child's Play

    ★★★★

    One of my oldest movie memories involves seeing the Child's Play poster at the video store and asking my mom if we could see it, and her emphatically telling me "NO!" I don't blame her because I was probably 6 or 7 years old at the time. Since that moment though, Chucky, as a character, has been an iconic in my mind. Up there with the big three of Jason, Michael, and Freddy.

    Upon my first rewatch in years, what…