I share your contempt for Jiffy Squid too, Screamin' Jay. I share it too.
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Stargate Origins 2018
PROS
The stargates have pronged upper chevrons, just like in the original film.
The chevrons don’t glow, just like in the original film.
The Goa’uld & Abydans speak ancient Egyptian rather than English/made-up gibberish, just like in the original film.
The miscellaneous other tidbits which hearken back to the original film.
Sarah Navratil’s curves.
CONS
The writing.
The direction.
The characterization.
The humour.
The production values.
The pointlessness.
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Fatal Past 1994
I think this is the most perfectly mediocre movie I have ever watched in my life. Everything about it — the uninspired plot, cypher-like characters, mundane pace, average direction — is just so … so … utterly uncaptivating without being the least bit infuriating. I almost commend the director for attaining such a nirvana of adequacy.
