• Bachelorette

    Bachelorette

    ★★½

    can you be the worst person in the world but serve so much cunt that it doesn’t matter? as exhibited by kirsten dunst’s character in this film, the answer is a resounding yes.

  • Campfire Tales

    Campfire Tales

    ★★★

    don’t you hate it when man door hand hook car door

  • New in Town

    New in Town

    ★★

    this movie understands that sometimes you get stranded in your broken down car in the middle of the minnesotan winter and you have to make a flag out of your red lingerie and get drunk by yourself and just pray that harry connick jr will rescue you.

  • London by Night

    London by Night

    ★★★½

    they clearly did a b movie copy paste of the thin man here but you know what? it’s still cute. two people bickering + murder + a cute dog is obviously a formula that WORKS

  • The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

    The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

    ★★★½

    I genuinely believe cinema peaked in 2013 when jamie campbell bower showed lily collins a magical portal and, in order to demonstrate its powers, pulled a breast implant shaped bit of the portal out, let it float next to her face, and then caressed her hair with his floating, disembodied arm. I can’t name a single other scene in cinema history that embodies this scene’s specific brand of unnecessary and horrific.

  • Vamps

    Vamps

    ★★½

    VAMPS is CAMP and if you don’t understand that then you’re just DAMP and can slide down a rusty RAMP.

    [review brought to you courtesy of rhymezone.com]

  • Don't Worry Darling

    Don't Worry Darling

    ★★

    so when harry styles sits in his car and screams FUCK at the top of his lungs while crying it’s fine but when I do it it’s “weird” and I’m “disturbing the peace at 3pm in the kroger parking lot” ?…ok

  • Confessions of a Shopaholic

    Confessions of a Shopaholic

    ★★★

    luke brandon can balance my checkbook while I balance on that [redacted]

  • You Can't Take It with You

    You Can't Take It with You

    ★★★★

    jimmy stewart screams whenever he doesn’t get what he wants so I’m just going to start screaming until he appears before me and we start dancing the big apple together. I have a really strong lung capacity so I’ll let you know how it turns out.

  • 10 Things I Hate About You

    10 Things I Hate About You

    ★★★★

    the most relatable part of this movie is kat reading sylvia plath and betty friedan and being the most ‘not like other girls’ girl at her high school and then writing one of the worst poems ever written and reciting it while crying

  • Arsenic and Old Lace

    Arsenic and Old Lace

    ★★★★½

    peter lorre is deadly because he is equal parts adorable and evil. like a sazerac in a sippy cup.

  • Freaky Friday

    Freaky Friday

    ★★★★

    lindsay speeding like a running back and barreling full bodily into chad michael murray while he sings hit me baby one more time was the peak comedic moment of 2003