• Jaws



    I have to get a jump on my classics watchlist or I will get laughed at. 
    Jaws is just about as fundamental as it gets.
    So yeah, respect.

  • The Danish Girl

    The Danish Girl

    I mustn’t rate this. I do not have the right. 

    It is much more important for you to read this Review as opposed to anything misguided or uneducated that I could possibly write, however good intentioned it may be. Thank you.

  • The Death & Life of John F. Donovan

    The Death & Life of John F. Donovan


    “Some lies are some artists’ greatest performances. And some lies, I think, are a pure beauty.” 

    There’s a sharpness and a loneliness to Dolan’s work. And I welcome it every time. 
    The concept in question: two edged swords are inescapably magnetic. 

    As always, Dolan’s mother representation and relationship dynamics are incredibly thoughtful and have terrific dimension.

    Superstar Kit Harrington absolutely nails it. 
    Susan Sarandon, Natalie Portman, Jacob Tremblay, Thandie Newton, and Kathy Bates thicken the ranks of this truly stellar…

  • Black Widow

    Black Widow


    After months of being bombarded by teaser trailers and advertisements, judgement day has come. 
    This definitely peaked my interest but as a result of all the Marvel tv content being released, I was not anticipating greatness. 

    I completely expected all the buzz around Florence Pugh to be a slight overreaction because she’s dangerously close to becoming excessively cast (what goes up must come down). But she is seriously firing on all cylinders. She’s amazing. The sister relationship was also enjoyable and relatable for me.  

    I love the effort, great score and costumes but I’m afraid this will be reduced to an afterthought.

  • Jolt



    Sick and dizzy from giving blood yesterday morning, I delusionally put this on. 

    This could have been stylish and fun like Guns Akimbo but it was just a massive cock up. 
    Unmistakably written by a man with an attempt to mask the fact with a woman director. Bad, ridiculous dialogue that’s trying to be cheeky and overtly (but tastelessly) feminist. 
    The character decisions are least of all logical and it doesn’t make me care about any of them. 
    The cinematography…

  • The Platform

    The Platform


    If a movie ever absolutely hemorrhaged a metaphor… 

  • The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1


    Anytime the Twilight series is streaming on any platform you have to binge all of them sorry that’s the rules. 
    I’ll die on this hill- this saga has one of the best soundtracks of any franchise hands down. 
    I never read the books but obviously, I am Team Edward (Jacob is a manipulative little gremlin) but more importantly I’m Team hot dad Carlisle and Charlie.

    This is not my favorite of the series- maybe it’s New Moon or Eclipse. The ‘whooshing’ vamp speed sound effects are a little overkill in these last two movies and the visuals are sloppy.

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    A two hour commercial advertising Warner media content. Who else reluctantly consumed their hit of corpotrash?

    For the most part, nostalgia and Don Cheadle’s enthusiasm was the only thing that held my attention. 
    I did not grow up on Disney but I did have my fair share of the superior Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry. This mostly made me want to rewatch Looney Tunes Back in Action with King 👑 Fraser.

  • Shiva Baby

    Shiva Baby


    Friends! Been inactive cause I (VERY LAST MINUTE) applied to a screenwriting masters program in London and was selected for 1 of the TWO cancellation spaces they had 🍾🎉 Will be reviewing from the UK for the next year 🤩 

    Shiva Baby… Sublime acting, relationship dynamics and dialogue. The sound editing also gets a shout out. 
    Being deterred by organized religion, I am not shackled by religious expectation. However, I certainly felt a strong kinship with the protagonist, Danielle. I…

  • Bill & Ted Face the Music

    Bill & Ted Face the Music


    I don’t really feel strongly in either direction. Hence the 2.5. 

    It’s got heart but not my kinda beat.

  • Gunpowder Milkshake

    Gunpowder Milkshake


    This feels like all the female characters were written TO BE men then they just changed their names and added one or two lines about feminism. Masculine energy and rigidity, written by John Wick fanboys.

    To be fair this gets five stars for style alone. 
    But no amount of slow motion sequences, film noir references, split diopters or groovy needle drops can give this more content than it has. Just because you slather everything in neon lights does not make it good. 
    Safe to say I lost interest before the half way point. 

    My queens deserve better.

  • Resident Evil: Retribution

    Resident Evil: Retribution


    I don’t even know what to rate anymore. 
    Resident Evil having a disintegrating effect on me lol. 

    Ok these are all starting to blur together but there was a big’ole jump in cgi here. 
    This installment is immediately much more stylish. Very clear Matrix inspired villain costume and action with a dash of Zack Snyder. 
    There’s definitely some inconsistencies: It’s slow zombies when it suits the story, it’s fast zombies when it suits the story. 
    Dialogue is so cheesy too! 

    Last one isn’t streaming anywhere so here ends my binge.