Pain and Glory

Pain and Glory ★★★★½

it’s rare that i feel the urge to rewatch something so quickly after a first viewing. i think the last time it happened was with american honey.. both films that opened up something within me.

since watching this yesterday, i couldn’t stop thinking about a conversation i had with a boy years ago about taking things we talked about & turning it into art. he told me it was inauthentic to do so. like it invalided our discussions by opening them up to other people.. allowing other voices/opinions in. for a long time it stopped me from writing, or at least writing in a form that i intended for anyone else besides me to read. i felt like i needed permission to share my own experiences. so watching this yesterday, i felt such a release when federico spoke so highly of salvador’s work.. about how it filled him with love when he would watch something salvador made & know what inspired it. to see pieces of himself in something. a secret between the two of them; like smirking at someone across the room. a private conversation or relationship can still be intimate, even when a light in placed on it, and it’s opened up for the world to see. the art is separate from the moment that inspired it. it can never be replaced. it’s such a small thing really, but it allowed me to see that the only person i need permission from to create is myself. that my thoughts belong to me, but they are still real & genuine when i decide to articulate them <3

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