Halloween Kills

Halloween Kills ½

And Halloween: Resurrection sighs, with sweet relief. It has finally been set free.


















A legacy-defiling disgrace, written by three conservative-minded, anti-PC neanderthals. Jam-packed with mustache-twirling, intentionally harmful, missing-the-point-on-purpose ~diversity hire~ casting - the filmmaking equivalent of a misogynist man saying, “If women want to be equal with men, then I should be able to punch a woman.” 

You want more Black characters in movies? More queer characters? Interracial couples? Then they’re gonna die the most gruesome deaths 😈 Hey, you’re the one who wanted more diversity in movies 😈 

Michael’s never tested out five knives on an already dead body before, but he’s damn sure gonna do it on the white man who dared to marry a Black woman 😈 And Michael has no idea what homosexuality is, but he’s gonna position the dead gay bodies homophobically 😈 And you want people of color in power? How bout a Black sheriff who crumbles into ineffectual powerlessness, and single-handedly represents a failed system 😈 while our script simultaneously uplifts white cops and asks you to mourn the deaths and misfortunes of every white cop onscreen 😈 

Hey, you’re the one who wanted more diversity in movies 😈😈😈😈

As if all that wasn’t bad enough, add in “There’s strength in numbers, we have to stick together. So, let’s all split up and get into different vehicles and go searching on our own.” And add in the continuing retconning that makes less and less sense the farther they take it. And add in the horrible opening flashback content and Loomis hologram travesty. And add in the pointless defiling of a Cassavetes movie - a legacy I don’t care about but I damn sure know lots of you do, and I’m sure you’re pissed. 

Genuinely one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. So glad I didn’t pay a dime to watch. The fact that these three creeps are being given the opportunity to write and direct a new Exorcist film should be enough to drum up a real-life equivalent of the angry, violent mob in the movie. 

At least Judy Greer, like Halloween: Resurrection (or Halloween 6, if that’s your pick for the previous worst), is finally free.

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