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  • Hustlers

    Hustlers

    ★★★½

    this was well made and had some great acting (especially from constance wu) but i didn't care about any of the characters and felt like it just slowly glided at a glacial pace to the ending which was disappointing especially since the first 2 acts were paced well. still a fun watch tho! probably could've used more cardi b because her lap dance bit in the beginning truly had me dying more than anything else in this

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    when is bill hader gonna throw rocks at ME and call ME a sloppy bitch

  • Resident Evil

    Resident Evil

    ★★

    this poster is simultaneously the ugliest and fiercest thing i've ever seen in my life. in a lot of ways it's like the movie itself!

  • House of 1000 Corpses

    House of 1000 Corpses

    ★½

    i don't get rob zombie...! also sherri moon zombie might be the most talentless actress to walk the planet? but that's an iconic title to have so i'd wear it as a badge of honor if i were her.

    anyway the set design was cool. i liked the cave!

  • Lords of Chaos

    Lords of Chaos

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    this had some things going for it but in the end i just didn't really like it! the gore was really well done and the source material is interesting but there's so many things weighing it down. the characters suck. the acting is atrocious at times (varg especially) and the climax just kinda feels like a joke? like after dead's suicide scene left me kinda shook i thought euronymous getting murdered was gonna have the same effect but it was just weirdly uncomfortably funny but it wasn't uncomfortable enough and it wasn't funny enough. it was just... a tonal disaster. bad.

  • Ready or Not

    Ready or Not

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i'm sorry... i know i have trash taste... but i loved it? it was so campy and silly. she ran around a mansion with a ripped up wedding dress, drenched in blood, wearing her sneakers while queen of crackheadedry emily missed every single shot she fired and subsequently whined about it. and then at the end they all exploded like spongebob in that episode of spongebob squarepants where he ate a pie that was actually a bomb? it was absurd and i loved every second of it. i'm gonna watch samara weaving's entire filmography now

  • Backcountry

    Backcountry

    ★★½

    i was bored for the first hour but once the bear attack happened it actually started to get pretty good! the chase scenes and the gore were really well done and it's just a shame that everything else was just kinda whatever. still decent tho!

  • Inland Empire

    Inland Empire

    it was every david lynch movie. except this time it was filmed on an android and laura dern was doing some weird southern accent that needed to cease long before it even started. but at least it had those rabbits!

  • It

    It

    ★★★★

    i still stan this! so much of this works for me. all of the main characters (that they choose to spend time on lmao) are great, especially richie! the comedic talent! the cgi actually looks pretty good to decent in this one, which may be why i'm so hard on chapter 2's cgi for looking so bad. and bill skarsgard is amazing as pennywise. he sounds like scooby-doo but if his feelings were hurt so bad that he was at the verge of tears

    also that projector scene is a horror STAPLE! i said it

  • It Chapter Two

    It Chapter Two

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    the good: richie tozier is one of the best gay horror characters ever
    the bad: this movie was 3 hours long. i draw the line for a movie being a reasonable length at 2 hours and 30 minutes regardless of the genre
    the ugly: the horrible cgi. y'all had a huge budget. why didn't it look better! or just make good practical effects!

  • The Wrath

    The Wrath

    ½

    the amount of cgi projectile vomit i witnessed in the span of 90 minutes was more than i ever could've anticipated. anyway i hated it. the camerawork was so bizarre and there were only 2 things happening at any given time: either i didn't know what was going on or i was overwhelmed by the amount of things that were happening

  • Unfriended: Dark Web

    Unfriended: Dark Web

    ★★★

    this was actually fabulous until they did that weird glitchy animation for the villains. it's still pretty great tho and i'm absolutely watching unfriended 3 as soon as it's released on vod