Godzilla vs. Kong

Godzilla vs. Kong ½

The opposite of fun. Un-fun. Almost every first choice a character makes is immediately the correct solution, and the only thing that ever happens is "conflicts," so the plot has to keep generating more and more of these boring little nothing conflicts to fill time. The characters are for the most part written and performed as either stoic or teary-eyed, which is wild in this movie about giant animals smashing stuff up. Get somebody in there whooping and hollering about how crazy this is, instead of what we have, which is a bunch of people silently nodding in reverence. A big ape sits on a throne holding a scepter and nobody laughs. Okay. The closest you'd expect we would get to comedic relief are the podcast conspiracy theorist crew, but they actually have some of the most potent "feeling great respect for the big critters" moments. Demián Bichir is the most adjacent to a fun performance, but we needed scenery chewing, and at most he gave it a tepid nibble.

Special shoutout to the offensive "magical deaf person" trope being on full blast here, and to the dangerous choice to portray fringe conspiracy theories as being correct. Not a good look. Time to pour an airplane bottle of whiskey on my brain in order to short circuit it and forget this movie.

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