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  • Mr. No Legs

    Mr. No Legs

    ★★★★★

    Most all movies I buy I buy completely blind. No trailers, no synopsis. Usually it's either from Letterboxd recs, boutique labels, or batshit art. This is one of those, and rarely do any of them slap as goddamn hard.

    The last film that hit all points of my personal canon was Andy Sidaris' Seven (from the same year, no less!). Mr. No Legs rolls up in a wheelchair with double shotguns on the side and blows it's ass away. It…

  • Royal Warriors

    Royal Warriors

    ★★★★

    Royal Warriors has got everything you need for a banger of a film. Exploding cars, an airplane hijacking, cringy dated workplace harassment, a night club shootout, a character pouring over VHS security footage like he's watching the Zapruder film, insane car chases, unsafe stunt work, a fuckin police tank(!), juicy squibs, and a coffin hanging from a crane.

    I implore you to watch this. Just look at the goddamn one sheet!

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  • Freaky

    Freaky

    ★★★

    Blumhouse presents: a sensible chuckle

  • Shogun Assassin

    Shogun Assassin

    ★★★

    How you gonna butcher two of the best samurai films into a dubbed mess. Maybe we should leave Lone Wolf and Cub alone?

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  • The Beach Bum

    The Beach Bum

    ★½

    Imagine being sober while in the presence of a group of friends who are stoned out of their fucking skull and drunk off their ass. They sure look like they're having a blast, but being around them is absolutely exhausting.

    Are all Harmony Korine films like this? There's nothing enjoyable about this film, and I feel like I've wasted two hours I'll never get back.

  • Mandy

    Mandy

    ★★★★

    🔸Normal brain: Nic Cage yelling "I'm a vampire!" in Vampire's Kiss.
    🔸Expanding brain: Nic Cage stealing the Declaration of Independence.
    🔸Galaxy brain: Nic Cage having a two minute long uncut emotional breakdown in a bathroom after watching his wife burned alive.

    This is the film equivalent of staring into the Ark of the Covenant or the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.