• Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    Portrait of a Lady on Fire


    less of a slow burn and more of a computer progress bar. a few moments of expression and even sublimity (the sudden rising chant at a bonfire, marianne seeing a vision of her lover in a wedding dress) but so much of this film is shockingly cold and technical for a period romance. there is romantic tension here but it's so mechanical, like the film is ticking boxes on a sexual escalation checklist. it bothers me that a lesbian romance…

  • Deck of Cards

    Deck of Cards


    "i just want to go to heaven"

  • Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

    Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    when a character says "discourse" in the first five minutes i knew it was going to be a bad time. of all the directions johnson could've taken this, the last one i wanted was to get even more twitter-brained. it's got that sort of celeb quasi-socialist vibe where you say "screw the rich!" but you don't actually have any politics beyond that and your only conception of how to make change is for other rich and famous people to tweet…

  • The Wendy Kerby Valentine’s Day Special

    The Wendy Kerby Valentine’s Day Special


    can we get the ladies from she said on the case here

  • The Fabelmans

    The Fabelmans


    "everything's different now, they're getting divorced!"

  • The People You're Paying to Be in Shorts

    The People You're Paying to Be in Shorts


    not a tragedy, like the falcons film, nor a romance like the mariners. this one is a comedy. nothing but the unlikable and the underachieving slipping on banana peels. i'm not sure it has the spiritual transcendence of the mariners doc but it's very entertaining and it's yet another example of bois quietly taking major leaps in forward in the world of digital filmmaking.

  • Armageddon Time

    Armageddon Time


    tikkun olam

    "how do you think you did?"

  • Demons



    goodbye dragon inn deviated a LOT from the source material

  • Child's Play 3

    Child's Play 3


    not a lot going on in this one but there are still some great puppetry moments and dourif is great

  • House



    i have seen this movie countless times but the ending just destroyed me this time. so unbearably sad!!!

  • Black Adam

    Black Adam


    not gonna lie during the early scenes where black adam is just fucking guys up i almost thought i was gonna come out liking this. it’s really not good but as these go it’s far from as bad as it can get. sort of funny that this studio threw snyder in the trash only to make a movie that’s actually textually about what snyder haters think his movies are, ie that sometimes you gotta kill guys and be kind of evil with it to do good. i even didn’t hate a dwayne johnson performance for once! maybe collet-serra isn’t lost to us forever.

  • The Keep

    The Keep


    loved this movie. can't wait to find out what happens in it some day.