Prometheus ★★★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

I feel like I spent the months leading up to this film slowly stroking Ridley Scott's cock, waiting for the inevitable dick-splosion. Ripping every single ear in my vicinity to shreds with my shrieks of excitement with my garbage mouth, spitting out every filthy bit of speculation I had.

And that's exactly what this was: a bunch of Alien enthusiasts sitting naked in a parents' basement jerking each other off and saying “no but what if the origin was this?” “omfg no, what if the space jockey was this???”, “omfffffg no, what if it was all of the possibilities???”. And then they all came simultaneously until one by one they admitted they all faked orgasm.

Still, it was pretty and I fucked it anyways.