[:: the 13 week esoteric/hidden knowledge & 8th-dimensional killuminati broadcasts challenge/ley lines/skeleton key/scavenger hunt ::

week 6: july 6-july 12

cryptozoologist loren coleman was born july 12, 1947 (!!!) - watch a cryptid movie! bigfoot museum recs: Expedition Bigfoot in Cherry Log GA movie list]

While I loved Dave Wascavage's Fungicide, Suburban Sasquatch was...okay if not entirely too long but I appreciate his attention to detail & dedication to regional microbudget filmmaking, the charming CGI reminded me so much of Rise of the Animals, I think they'd make a great double feature!

Some things I loved about this: you know the squatch is about to re-materialize because he fucking stinks, the juxtaposition of a woman eating a hot dog while driving w/…

"Remember, I don't like you." - Grandma

whoa whoa whoa, I just watched this entire movie and didn't make the connection until just a moment ago that this was directed by the same person who made Fungicide. One of my all time favorite transcendent trash fires but like the kind under the cauldrons of cyber witches who use digital black magic to make imitation mushroom sprites.

The actors seem like they can't wait for the scene to be over. Blood effects that look like red transparent Microsoft Paint brush strokes. These colors don't run. A love story with the depth of video game narrative interlude. Like specifically Julia from Tekken 3. CGI eagle, comin' at ya.

This Sasquatch can materialize…

Dang mang! Suburban Sasquatch walloped my brain good. This is such a stupid idiot movie but these 0 budget high ambitious trainwrecks warm my soul like no other. Makes me feel like I could legitimately make my own movie which is low key something I've always wanted to do. Big dreams.

At first it seems like Suburban Sasquatch could be another one of those dime a dozen cheapo lame modern horror films that you would rent from Blockbuster in 2004 and ruin a horror night...but its something completely different. Its got the spirit of a shot on video mind melter and the pure nonsensical energy of a film that became its own illogical beast...the Suburban Sasquatch!

Various insanity is hurled…

Murder and May-hem, Day 2, challenge #27 - Watch any horror riffed by MST3K, Rifftrax, or Cinematic Titanic

Between Birdemic, Feeders, and madness lies Suburban Sasquatch. (He's really more of a "wooded area behind a few random houses" sasquatch.) If birds had nipples, the Birdemic birds would surely have had GIANT ASYMMETRICAL NIPPLES. Also this movie was made 6 years before Birdemic. VISIONARY. Like Feeders, this was made in the wilds and wood paneling of Pennsylvania. Idk what they put in those cheesesteaks but keep it up!

Directed by someone called "Wascavage," which in itself sounds like a cryptid. The "special" "effects" and "sound" are Birdemic-y as hell, made with love in whatever graphics program came bundled with the Wascavage…

Support independent artists! Links at bottom!

I'm such a Dave Wascavage stan. I genuinely enjoy his low-to-no budget aesthetic, I think he's incredibly creative, I think he knows how to have a great time, ("Someone should call the police, or maybe the SPCA!") and I think it's so clear that he understands the fundamentals of film-making even if it comes across as an entire solo-production.

It's so easy for art communities to become cynical and this always makes me sad because certain art projects and artists themselves are at the expense of couch critics or, like, just outright mean people. And yet, if you watch something like Suburban Sasquatch, for all its faults, it has a genuine understanding of comedic…

This is truly one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and I love it for that. When I first saw the poster, I thought it was a monkey face superimposed on a Sasquatch silhouette...nope, those are giant sausage nipples, not sinister monkey eyes. Terrible, horrible acting throughout. Some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Love that. Some of the most awful CGI that’s ever seen the light of day, including (but not limited to); CGI birds, CGI blood, CGI cars, CGI logs (!!!), CGI arrows, and random moments of CGI over Bigfoot’s six-toenailed costume slippers for some strange reason?? It has some of the cringiest dialogue that has ever assaulted my ears, and a random romantic subplot that comes…

Does it get any better than this? I mean, a guy in a Bigfoot costume let loose on suburban Pennsylvania is great enough but this is a Dave Wascavage movie so he couldn't stop there. There needed to be some mysticism and a good cop bad cop backstory to really round out the story from all sides and boy am I glad to have all that.

Bigfoot is a mystical warrior who shows up when things are going bad in the world and there's some sort of native protector who tracks and kills him. This time she's a beautiful woman who our hero, a dummy reporter who focuses on "the story" so much it sounds like he's speaking in parables,…

Watched via Rifftrax.

This is probably the closest I've come to re-experiencing Birdemic. It has that same vibe of no one involved having even the slightest clue what they're doing, is about a rather non-threatening monster, and has special effects that just might be worse than Birdemic's birds. I don't make that claim lightly, but really, blood shooting out of people looks just like MS paint red lines. At one point the Sasquatch picks up a car, done by turning the car into a 2D image. The monster suit looks no better, especially since it has very prominent emphasized breasts for some reason. The story also just confuses me so much. Apparently the sasquatch is a magical being that teleports…