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  • Caveman

    Caveman

    ★★

    I just know the entire cast was on drugs when they made this. It’s at its best with its stop motion  dinosaurs and lizards. Its at its worst when Ringo Starr tries to r@p3 a woman in her sleep and it’s played off for laughs. A trip and a half to one zillion bc

  • The Witches

    The Witches

    ★★½

    First off, this is a Bruno Jenkins hate account. When his whole personality is one joke, it should probably be funny. While the 90s version is not perfect, one of my favorite things it did was use practical effects for the witches and the mouse children transformation. Replacing it with CGI feels ...cheap. And the CGI would probably look a lot better if this movie didn’t waste a bunch of money casting Kristen Chenoweth to voice act a literal child!! Robert Zemeckis she is 52.

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  • Velvet Buzzsaw

    Velvet Buzzsaw

    ★★★½

    The NERVE of this movie to tell us ten minutes in that Jake Gyllenhaal has a boyfriend only for it to make me watch him have sex with a woman for the whole movie !!

  • After

    After

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Top five moments of this movie that made me SCREAM:
    5) after a half hour of horny buildup only for Hardin to say “I don’t date” and she screams “ArE You FrEAKINg KiDdING mE?!?”
    4) the modest clothing she wore at the beginning of the movie hahaysgsgsbzh
    3) when they were in the bathtub and he traced the words “I love you” on her back and he was like “do you know what I wrote” and she was like “no…