Vance Pro

Staff Writer for Film Cred. Published in Match Cut, Inverse, and various other places.


Favorite films

  • Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
  • Local Legends
  • Seeds
  • Suddenly, Last Summer

Recent activity

  • Madame Web

  • Massage Parlor Murders

  • Rolls-Royce Baby

  • Drive-Away Dolls

Pinned reviews

  • Hardgore


    Reminds me of the hot summer nights of youth -- tucked away under a blanket, my hypnagogic mind polluted by the glow of gutter trash oozing from the boob tube.

    It's these kinds of half-remembered radioactive transmissons that linger with me most.


    Despite its obvious shortcomings -- the pun in there is not lost on me -- I found myself smiling more often than not.

  • Profile


    Why does this end with a trap remix of dialogue from the film?

Recent reviews

  • Madame Web

    Madame Web

    Chekov's Patriot Act, or The Accusations of Camp Are Greatly Exaggerated.

  • Massage Parlor Murders

    Massage Parlor Murders

    One of the more insane uses of Grieg's In the Hall of the Mountain King that I can recall.

Popular reviews

  • The Cat in the Hat

    The Cat in the Hat


    A Tier-List of Every Character I Could Beat the Shit Out of in The Cat in the Hat:

    S (Would Destroy Me):
    •Mrs. Kwan
    •Thing Two
    •Kate the Caterer
    •The Cat (With Hat)
    •Repo Men Who Took Larry's TV

    A (Would Beat Me Bloody):
    • Sally Walden
    •Joan Walden

    B (Would Break My Arm):
    •Thing One
    •Female Club-Goer

    C (Draw):
    •Conrad Walden

    D (I'd Beat Them Bloody):
    •Jim McFinnigan
    •Dumb Schweitzer

    E (I Would Fucking Destroy Them):
    •That Fucking Fish
    •Mr. Humberfloob
    •Larry Quinn
    •The Cat (Without Hat)

  • Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom probably gives great head.