Tori has written 32 reviews for films rated ★½ during 2017.

  • Cry for the Strangers

    Cry for the Strangers


    Sorta racist, not maybe as bad as I was expecting but there's a lot of 'OooOO spooky Native Americans' talk and then whatever the hell that ending was. Not much really stands out tbh.

    tw/cw: nothing much rly

  • Catacombs



    While this movie does have a genuinely horrifying moment of watching an already disturbingly lifelike Jesus on the cross statue out of focus in the background suddenly looking towards a monk and getting himself slowly down off the cross, the rest unfortunately doesn't stack up.

    It's particularly Annoying that they portray the overly pious asshole monk as being over the top for being like "WOMEN ARE THE ROOT OF EVIL" as he should be but then give ground to his…

  • Lord of Illusions

    Lord of Illusions


    Boy the effects in this were just... not good huh.

    Unfortunately there was just not a lot going for this one to keep my interest remotely, and the main woman was just there to be a love interest/damsel in distress. And not to mention the only PoC was killed in a super bloody fashion.

    tw/cw: body horror

  • Snow Devils

    Snow Devils


    A really weird movie that didn't know if it wanted to be about yetis or space so it did both at the same time and not well.

    I'm sorry I'm bitter that the yetis were just dudes with beards in blue paint and the women characters were a whole of two and not well done tbh.

  • Pandemonium



    A bizarre horror spoof film with recognizable faces but little to no recognizable humor. It had a few moments, but not nearly enough. The best part was the Godzilla as a flight attendant gag, but the lead up was racist and put a damper on it. Paul Rubens was barely around at all, Carol Kane is really the best part of it all and she's under utilized. What a weird movie.

    tw/cw: racism

  • Bedeviled



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Man this was just... a mess of dialogue that no teenagers would ever say and eye rolly commentary about social media/phones/etc.

    It could've been interesting, something embodying individual fears including that weird old picture in your parents' house that always gave you the creeps CAN be very successful (just watch It (2017) instead for that concept done right). This just couldn't manage it.

    There were two PoC, one of which being Mitchell Edwards who was the best actor of the…

  • Max 2: White House Hero

    Max 2: White House Hero


    My mom got this as a freebie and, shocking nobody, the dog is the only good thing. The girl was decent if decidedly not actually Russian.

    tw/cw: very lowkey animal harm since this is a movie for kiddos.

  • The Evictors

    The Evictors


    What a weird ass, confusing movie. Jessica Harper couldn't even save it, and I adore her.

    tw/cw: blood I think

  • Dracula vs. Frankenstein

    Dracula vs. Frankenstein


    This sure was a movie that happened I guess.

    tw/cw: body horror

  • The Last Shark

    The Last Shark


    Just the worst Jaws rip off, except for the fact that the shark rammed up onto a boat a dude was on and he went like 40 feet straight up in the air and it was incredible.

    tw/cw: blood/gore

  • Kingdom of the Spiders

    Kingdom of the Spiders


    Look Shatner talking about milking his dead brother's widow than promptly dropping her for a woman who clearly disliked him and then just inexplicably started making out with him and then the widow DYING SO HE COULD HAVE HIS NEW GIRL WITHOUT CONFLICT AND ALSO THE KID LIKE NO THANKS!!

    Also I'm sorry but little regular sized spiders are just not threatening also the scene where the woman shot a spider off her damn hand with a pistol was wild.

    tw/cw: lots of spiders, of course
    animal death (not graphic, cows and a dog)

  • Frankenstein Island

    Frankenstein Island


    BOY is the poster for this way cooler than the movie. I watched this with Rifftrax, but look... every woman just about in this movie is pointlessly in a leopard print bikini so. You know. Bad.