bo burnham: hello i am a pediatric surgeon 

me, remembering Beating off in A Minor: lmao no you’re not, but nice try there buddy

we tried to time it so that the clock would strike midnight right as he got shot but we were thirty seconds late. anyway if that DOESN’T reflect this year as a whole

Dear Diary, Today I finally captured Christine and took her to my foggy romantic kink dungeon for our first date. Mood went a little sour when she ended up ripping my Murder Mask off, but otherwise I totally turned her on and it was a great evening. We for sure made it it third base, vocally. Wonder when she'll let me touch her bewb. Anyway, gotta go write some more hate mail to fuck with those pesky opera house managers. Catch you on the flip side. XOXO The Phantom <33

james mcavoy but every time he's onscreen the questioning of my sexuality gets faster