Suspiria ★½

People will say this is a slow-burn with timely themes when it's really just a completely self-serious, monochrome bore that plods on for 150 minutes (!) and tries to connect the ridiculous campiness of the original with Big Themes of the Holocaust and guilt and it's just fucking insufferable. It's a "prestige" horror movie that's embarrassed to be a horror movie. I'm not even a huge fan of the original, but Argento knew EXACTLY what he was making and just sweeps you up with the colors and score while leaning into the fairytale camp of it all. This one is convinced it's a respectable masterpiece and God it's tiresome.

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