Knives Out ★★★★½

THE OFFICIAL THROMBEY FAMILY SWEATERS RANKING:
1. Ransom’s (Chris Evans) White Sweater: duh. it’s iconic. simple, yet effective. very snuggable and comfy. need i say more.

2. Linda’s (Jamie Lee Curtis) Fushia Pink Sweater: truly dazzling. screams wealthy but not in a pretentious way. compliments her round glasses nicely. good, good.

3. Great Nana’s Multi Layered Sweater: woooo. the underdog. reminds me of christmas in new york during the 1950s. probably smells dusty. very underrated.

4. Marta’s (Ana De Armas) Lavender and Rainbow Sweaters: both of them deserve to be on here. very light and happy. similar to a cupcake case in a bakery.

5. Megan’s (Katherine Langford’s) Gray and Black Striped Sweater: good bohemian grunge vibes. the use of dark colors… mwah! brilliant! fantastico!

6. Harlon’s (Christopher Plummer) Green Plaid Sweater: would be mediocre if it stood on it’s own, but matches delightfully with his pink shirt. weird mix of colors and designs, yet somehow works.

7. Walt’s (Michael Shannon) Brown, Blue Diamond Sweater: the sweaters are obviously going downhill now. matches personality tho--boring, yet a little bit off. kinda earthy. mostly eh. whatever. next!

8. Donna’s (Riki Lindhome) Cable - Knit Pastel Sweater: lacks pizzazz. the turtleneck simply does nothing. has potential, just not executed well.

9. Richard’s (Don Johnson) Half - Zip Sweater: looks like somebody at home depot who would make small talk for half an hour. yikes.

10. Jacob’s (Jaeden Martell) Navy Blue Sweater: private school white boy trash. added points for interesting spunk. decreased points for america - colored tie. shut up with all that patriotic shit jeez.

11. Joni’s (Toni Colette) Flowery Silk Sweater: toni, i loved your work in fun mom dinner  but your sweaters are not it. they look like if my grandma’s retirement home’s couch barfed over olaf the snowman. and you claim to be an influencer?  learn from your dead father or murderer nephew next time. goodbye.

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