• It Happened One Night

    It Happened One Night


    Remember me? I'm the fella you slept on last night

    Clark Gable casually undresses in front of Claudette Colbert in this movie and she lifts her skirt, demonstrating her hitchhiking technique. This movie is so horny. I love it.

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Current mood: watching movies that currently have sequels out in the cinema which I probably won't get to see.
    So far it's not going well.

    I took the day off work due to being unwell and just wanted something mindless but even I could tell this was not good. I'll never understand why they chose to continue ripping off the earlier iterations of these movies given how much we now know about the variety of dinosaurs there actually were. It's…

  • Top Gun

    Top Gun


    I actually find 80s Tom Cruise extremely disturbing... Like I can't look at his face too long or I'll just extremely agitated and want to claw my eyeballs out of my skull. I had the same reaction to Risky Business.
    Is it just me?
    He gets easier to look at with age (and let's be honest those Hollywood anti-aging treatments). But then he gets creepier for a whole other heap of reasons.
    Also, that sex scene happened and good God...…

  • To Catch a Thief

    To Catch a Thief


    It's just fine.
    There are things to enjoy, the French Riviera, the costumes, Grace Kelly, all stunning.
    But the story is poorly paced and sometimes the editing gives you whiplash. The first act takes its sweet time and then the ending is ridiculously abrupt. There are some strange car chases in between, one of which gave me flashbacks to my driving theory where you watch those hazard perception videos.
    Again, it's fine, but all all involved have been involved in much more engaging projects.

  • Ocean's Eleven

    Ocean's Eleven


    You're either in or you're out. Right now.

    Maybe it's been said before and maybe I'm being hyperbolic but this movie is the fucking coolest. Sure, its not reinventing the wheel but it's so classy, you can't help but marvel.
    Also Brad Pitt and George Clooners are the most charming 'heist-husbands' in cinema history. (A term I believe I just coined, you're welcome.)

  • Sullivan's Travels

    Sullivan's Travels


    But with a little sex in it

    Martin Scorcese are you there? Todd Phillips, this one is for you. Hollywood, let's all sit down and watch an educational movie for a change.
    A privileged comedy movie director wants to make a serious picture about wealth inequality and the misery that plagues the world. Obviously he's out of touch so he becomes a poverty tourist to understand how the real people live. Those noble, unwashed savages. We come to realise that…

  • Seth Meyers: Lobby Baby

    Seth Meyers: Lobby Baby


    This is the gentlest most soothing comedy. Look at that blue! It's meant to relax you! And it matches his eyes!
    This just takes me back to a moment in time where I was obsessively watching comedy specials with nothing to do or say to anyone. I was isolated and afraid and just hearing people talking, telling stories, delivering punchlines... I can't explain it but it kept me sane for a moment in a time when just talking felt almost…

  • Ishtar



    A lot of acts would kill for a booking in North Africa

    Bear with me here. I bought the baby a book about some kid getting zoo animals and I decided to make the animal noises as she knows that a snake hisses and a lion goes 'rawr!' Except the zoo, for some random reason sends the kid a camel and I don't know what sound a camel makes. Then I recalled, in the greatest movie ever made, a blind…

  • Ali & Ava

    Ali & Ava


    I bought tickets to see this at a local film festival last year but I couldn't go because my life was a wreck. I did have a quiet moment of contemplation where I mourned the loss of watching Adeel Akhtar on the big screen. I probably shouldn't have watched it back then as a tiny baby features and it would have broken me.
    So would you believe Netflix, of all places, after all my grumbling, actually came through. Not that…

  • Zero Fucks Given

    Zero Fucks Given


    You see this box, if you want a job you have to fit inside this box. You have cram yourself in there and leave all of your humanity on the outside. To survive, you must minimise everything that makes you who you are. Your appearance, your manner, your life, everything on the surface is up for grabs as long as it fuels that all important ultimate aim. Profits.
    Be a cog in the machine, forget your troubles, your grief, your…

  • Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

    Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery


    Honestly, I'm surprised how much of this still made me laugh. 25 year old comedies don't usually manage that.
    The sequels had diminishing returns but this is firing on all cylinders and is pretty damn groovy baby.
    Also Christian Slater turns up with some orange sherbet.

  • Burn Burn Burn

    Burn Burn Burn


    About as profound as the back of a cereal box.
    I mean, if that's where you go for profundity.
    I imagine these characters would do just that.

    I got nothing.

    Life is messy. As is death. Its not rocket science.
    It's just middle class British people having revelations and being dickheads. It's... Fine. Crack on.