• Lifeforce

    Lifeforce

    DNF. great tits beautiful tits

  • The Medium

    The Medium

    ★★

    top 5 least convincing found footage movies in history. i do not understand the aggro jump scare sound design at all like … ??? who cut this together everyone died!!! impressively stupid stuff lol

  • Black Christmas

    Black Christmas

    ★★★

    wahhhhhhh the slasher movie made for 16 year old girls doesn’t have gnarly enough kills wahhhhh they talk about institutional misogyny and rape culture …. shut tf up. this is good—sincere, even trite at times, searching for a balance between libidinal slasher mechanics & teen message movie stuff. if u saw the prowler in theaters or whatever and own multiple frightrags tees maybe just sit this one out like—its just not for u friend. blumhouse fucked w the fanbase fr

    the use…

  • Noroi: The Curse

    Noroi: The Curse

    ★★★★★

    miyajima ... we have to call the police now!!!

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    miserable IP maintenance that has the gall to be self-righteous as well as boring. every kill is shot like a pineapple express gag, quick, clean, and low-impact (except the pored-over suicide of a caricatured escapee from a 1900s sanatorium as part of the dumbest subplot in film history). repeats a lot of rob zombie’s moves except in a shitty cliffsnotes way and with better PR to lubricate the narrative. the absolute feminism of getting grandma laurie to sit in a hospital…

  • Singapore Sling

    Singapore Sling

    ★★★★★

    “that little whore, c’est petit pute, i’m talking about that bitch daughter of mine … ”

  • Midnight Mass

    Midnight Mass

    fuckinng absolutely interminable anti-visual epic atheist/one-note trauma monologue factory, salem's lot with the fingerprints burned off and the teeth wrenched out of its skull, literally just people talking at each other in saccharine youtube explainer cadence in a litany of two-person dialogue scenes that are shot and cut into arrhythmic, atonal nonsense. mike flanagan is the true master of anonymous beige streaming content—i did two full coats of nail polish during one episode!

  • The Night House

    The Night House

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    it would be scary if u had mental illness. and also your husband summoned a demon and had to kill girls that looked like u to trick him into not killing u. ?

    rebecca hall gives a couple funny line reads which cannot help steer this out of its strange dead zone all by themselves. the handful of "jump scares" before the big k-horror climax are so halfhearted they inspire pity. overall drab and intensely convoluted until its suddenly just…

  • VHS 94

    VHS 94

    ★★

    you’ve heard of bloober team cinema but vhs 94 innovates in the key areas of puppet combo, red barrels, and frictional games cinema. we made it congrats to the whole team. anyway i was kind of wishing this would pay tribute to early/mid 90s SOV or snuff or something but instead it’s the usual mix of goofy/boring vhs festival filler drowned in tape effects 😔

  • Ura Horror

    Ura Horror

    ★★

    FF anthology that has its moments (the psychic one is funny) but you're looking at a bin full of shiraishi offcuts. gets to the point where the segments are literally some guys poking an vaginal sea urchin and a skeleton vomiting dust on a lady. not to be a killjoy but the "warning the following footage will drive u insane/to suicide" disclaimer gets applied a little liberally

  • Hellraiser: Bloodline

    Hellraiser: Bloodline

    ★★★

    i AM so exquisitely empty!!!! the original script for this is hardly better than the finished product—the decadent potential of the france stuff is underexplored, the present-day section hinges on dumb shit like pinhead kidnapping a child, and the FMV space station folding up like a giant-size lament configuration is a truly misbegotten idea lol. if we're giving out points for ambition i guess this wins out over hellraiser 3 but aside from the scene where the duke and adam…

  • Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

    Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth

    ★★

    i totally forgot this bullshit ends w a good pinhead and bad pinhead fight lol. the lothario club owner who looks like he came out of the pages of straight to hell is a hoot tho. ... also loved that until one of the girls is turned into a cameo cenobite there is an unacknowledged lesbian romance happening. HATE freddy-fied pinhead. fuck off. they don’t even mix his voice right he sounds like an impersonator!!! this has NOTHING on wishmaster 😡😡😡…