Her ★★★★★

Time to get personal here.

So. A couple of weeks ago, I have confessed my romantic feelings to a girl name Stephanie. I have gotten to known her through these last few months thanks to her involvement on being a podcast we’re both apart of and simple interactions on twitter and here. As I have gotten know more and more of her, the more I started to have feelings for her. She is the sweetest person I have ever interacted on social media. She was funny, sweet, smart, fun, and just a great person to be around with. 

We gotten to know each other very well and we have become better people about accepting who we are and sharing our love for films. It felt like I truly found a girl who loves films in the same way I do and makes things feel less awkward about it. Which makes me starting to have feelings for her that I didn’t have the guts to tell until very recently.

When I did told her that I indeed had feelings for her, she thought it was the sweetest thing anyone could say to her and told me I was the sweetest person she’s ever met. Even tho we’re not dating atm, it has brought us closer as friends and will always be there for each other when one of us need each other.

But even with the amazing stuff, there’s a part of me where I face with daily. Being alone. Theodore is a character I connect with easily (like on the same level as Barry Egan). He goes a state of loneliness, being antisocial, being unsure about his place in the world, trying to maintain the relationships he has (even when it’s hard), and finding his true self. Things I deal with every day. 

I never been on date or been in a romantic relationship because there’s a part of me where I get lost and not maintain it in a ways that’s healthy and strong. But I don’t want that in my romantic life. I want to be with a girl like Stephanie who’s both a delight be around with and strong woman who’s both great on her own strength and is there when I need my emotional support in understanding what I’m going through. That’s all I want. But I need to work myself before entering into a romantic relationship.

If anything, Her is a perfect reflection of myself. Someone who often feels lonely, and is unsure about himself, but wants to find love and being happy with who he is (even if it’s hard). All of this is demonstrated so personally profound thanks it’s writing, directing, acting (Joaquin Phoenix gives the best performance of the decade, I’m dead serious when I say that), cinematography, exploration of its themes, and its heavy emotions that made me ugly cry for a good portion of the film because of how real and honest it was to my own life.

I don’t know what else to say, but I don’t think there will be a film that deals with my confusing love life in a way like this. Steph, if you’re reading this, I just want to say that you’re an amazing human being who I love to talk to and I hope our relationship continues on a strong path, even if we’re not dating at the moment.

Cause I don’t to have a life where you’re not apart of it.

Love, Haydn.

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