• Sleepless in Seattle

    Sleepless in Seattle

    ★★★★★

    I love the Lawnmower Man style CGI in Nora Ephron movies. I’m just Pierce Brosnan over it, wearing little cargo shorts, smoking a cigarette in a computer basement like, “Nora, baby, all this power isn’t supposed to be in the hands of one person.” 

    This movie is perfect and Nora Ephron made millions on the instinct that people love to watch Meg Ryan lose her shit. I know I do!

  • Snowpiercer

    Snowpiercer

    ★★★★½

    I only incidentally watched this on the day Chris Evans was trending online about some boner stuff. The truth is, I don’t ever think about him because Captain America is a nonentity to me and I didn’t like Knives Out, but this was good as hell and I hope he’s hanging in there today. Not a penis joke. 🛑🤚 This is a respectful review written by a perfect angel.

  • The Lost World: Jurassic Park

    The Lost World: Jurassic Park

    No casting has been kissed by the gods as hard or as long as Vince Vaughn as a plot-significant gum chewer. As far as Jeff Goldblum as an action star, well, that is incomprehensible. Watching it feels like looking down the barrel of a gun that shoots question marks. 

    Anyways, this movie smells like childhood Burger King and gets 8/10 Jr. Whoppers from this queen. And an apple turnover!!!!

  • I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    I'm Thinking of Ending Things

    ★★★★½

    Mama Mia! The whole and sum of parts here are two very different meatballs. This metaphor of course extends to the universal experience of the Infinitum of Meaning one experiences when they are looking at two different meatballs. Is it despair? Is it death? Is it storytelling transforming the collective and individual consciousness in the world, and also as a ripple effect within this film. Yes to all meatballs. Meatballs divided by meatballs. Eternity. Forever-a-meata-balla.

  • Something's Gotta Give

    Something's Gotta Give

    Anyone who says white people don’t have culture should pop into the Meyers-verse. Each movie is eleven straight hours of divorced people finding food agreeable in rooms that are decorated with plates. La Vie En Rose plays to remind us that sex takes place in the mind and in the end, everyone turns into a vase that says AWAKEN on it. It’s great!

  • Dead Ringers

    Dead Ringers

    This episode of Frasier is fucked up!

  • Death Wish

    Death Wish

    ★★★

    Charles Bronson is a muppet who loves two things: a frosty glass of milk and guns, guns, guns.

  • The Daytrippers

    The Daytrippers

    ★★★★

    My only complaint is that I love Liev Schreiber now and may never know a moment’s peace again. On the other hand, I’m awakened by the spiritual communion of Parker Posey and Paul Herman in the same room... So I guess it’s a draw.

  • Dick Tracy

    Dick Tracy

    What if Al Pacino didn’t actually like yelling about how much he loves dames with good bodies or even just dame ones? We’d never know. 

    Lots to see here and it will temporarily erase Marvel from your mind, which feels good, man.

  • 8MM

    8MM

    ★★½

    Imagine the movie this cast could have made. Instead we have this, which is fine. Although I’m not sure why Schumacher was so committed to middle eastern flute music for the entire duration of this film. Maybe to say that the snuff underground is just like the Cantina from Star Wars. You know, wacky. 

    The best part of this is when I asked my husband if Schumacher was making a connection between snuff films and movies about heroic cops. He…

  • Ishtar

    Ishtar

    ★★★★½

    Few artists are so proficient in their vision and ability that they can dip into a playful kind of self-contempt and get real dumb for a beat. Not only does Elaine May have that, but she is able to identify the qualities of its singer-songwriter counterpart and depict characters who fail to achieve that on every level. Like, Shitty Paul Simon meets Christian Randy Newman. Or Billy Joel looking into a funhouse mirror and seeing his true self, Silly Joel.…

  • Vegas Vacation

    Vegas Vacation

    Rotten Tomatoes called this a "trip to sinfully laugh-free city." I'm sorry, but that's not true and, quite frankly, a little beyond the pale!

    I happen to love things that HBO played on a continuous loop in 1998. Especially when they have Randy Quaid, good dam jokes (outrageous), and the proto-proto-proto Uncut Gems Sid Caesar cameo. I'd like to recommend RT change it to the more accurate "a trip to sinfully laugh-FULL city." Thank you!