• Napoleon Dynamite

    Napoleon Dynamite

    ★★★★★

    this is some next level shit

  • Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour

    Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour

    ★★★★★

    we were riding in a getaway car.

  • The Parent Trap

    The Parent Trap

    ★★★★

    marvel could never achieve this level of realism in their special effects

  • The Haunted Mansion

    The Haunted Mansion

    ½

    what the fuck

  • The Lie

    The Lie

    all teenage girls are cunts

  • Jennifer's Body

    Jennifer's Body

    ★★★★★

    "St. Jude patron saint of hopeless causes please give me the power to crush this bitch."

    they teach sorkin in screenwriting when they should be teaching this.

  • Almost Famous

    Almost Famous

    ★★★★½

    "Life kills me. You got any pot?"

    yes i'm h*gh but perhaps this is a beautiful beautiful film

  • Les Misérables

    Les Misérables

    ★★★★★

    "To love another person is to see the face of God."

  • Bride Wars

    Bride Wars

    ★★★★★

    sometimes all day every cell in your body tells you to watch bride wars again. and so you do.

  • Pitch Perfect

    Pitch Perfect

    ★★★

    i got chills multiple times during the finale and why would i lie about that

  • The Thing

    The Thing

    ★★★★

    kurt russell c'mere. i'll make u a little cup of soup and u can tell me about your alien trauma.

  • The Devil All the Time

    The Devil All the Time

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i was so excited for this i'm so annoyed they keep TRICKING me into watching movies about KILLING WOMEN! 

    this director will never see heaven's gates for making me watch dudley dursley in this role