• Satantango


    A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again

  • Cocktail



    Tom Cruise has the absolute most insane look in his eye for this entire thing. Would make for an excellent B plot in a serial killer film.

  • Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Mein Führer! I can walk.”

  • Citizen Kane

    Citizen Kane


    I feel like such a dweeb rating this movie 10/10, but it is every bit as good as anyone has ever said it is.

  • Desperately Seeking Susan

    Desperately Seeking Susan


    If I explained the plot to this movie to someone who hadn’t seen it, no one would believe me. Absolutely bonkers film.

  • The Batman

    The Batman


    A Batman for the QAnon age, but I can’t help but feel this neoliberal take is still more interested in upholding inherently corrupt institutions than achieving true justice. Thank god for the freshness of the noir stuff, which feels more cribbed from Chinatown and Se7en than [insert Nolan title here].

  • On the Rocks

    On the Rocks


    Bill Murray reminds me so much of my grandfather in this film it’s not even funny.

  • Casablanca



    I’m just glad both teams had fun.

  • The Handmaiden

    The Handmaiden


    Strains the bounds of credulity in the second act and breaks them in the third, but there’s something in the absurdity so compelling (I won’t say mesmerizing) that it totally works anyway.

    The parallels between this and Parasite are impossible for me not to make, between the scamming angle and dissection of social hierarchies. Of course, I might also be proverbial the guy who’s seen so few films every one gives him Boss Baby vibes.

  • 3:10 to Yuma

    3:10 to Yuma


    If it wasn’t so carefully structured and was allowed to unfold at a more natural pace, this has all the ingredients to be an amazing film. It just never strikes the right balance of verisimilitude and mythologizing that makes the Western genre so compelling at its best. And try as they might, Bale and Crowe cannot pull off a convincing western accent to save their lives.

  • Gladiator



    Extended version was not the slam-dunk I thought it would be. Every extra scene in there should have been cut (except for the statue bit near the end). Nevertheless, I expected to enjoy this a lot less than I did  upon revisiting it.

  • Brawl in Cell Block 99

    Brawl in Cell Block 99


    “You seen pictures of that prison in Austria? Man, I wish we were going there.”

    “You should aim higher with your wishes.”

    Could’ve been an amazing ACAB movie if it didn’t take every opportunity to be as right-wing as possible. As it stands, the film is a great piece of pop grindhouse with a wicked flair for visceral violence. There is a curb-stomping effect in this that I had to pause just to admire the makeup work, which toes the…