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  • Now You See Me

    Now You See Me

    ½

    Now You See Me is absolutely the worst movie I have ever seen.
    The first fifteen minutes of this atrocity navigate you through a nauseating hell-hole of god awful characters, abysmal dialogue and cuts literally (literally) every five seconds. Like Jesus Christ you don’t need to cut between characters for every single line of dialogue, who are all these people??? why on earth is everything spinning all the time??? I felt like I was actually going to throw up at…

  • Shark Tale

    Shark Tale

    ★½

    One star for the octopus trying to pour tea into a cup underwater and one star for the way the sexy lady-fish's hair and tail sparkled, which then also forces me to take half a star off because I have to use the word 'sexy' and 'fish' in the same sentence.


    Everything else was absolute barnacles.

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  • Krampus

    Krampus

    ★★

    The shitty CGI Gingerbread Men served to be the nail in the coffin for me.
    With a pretty solid cast, and some interesting characters, I'm disappointed at the waste of material this movie turned out to be.
    I give it two stars because I appreciate that the women characters were actually characters and not annoying tropes, for the most part, and the Krampus puppet did look pretty cool.

  • KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park

    KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park

    My dad and I watched this x2 the regular speed after my mum demanded we put it on because it's "a good Christmas movie".
    Whatever this is, it's not any three of those terms my mum used, and as she seemed to completely fail to notice that everyone was talking like a chipmunk and lurching across the park like some sort of frenzied geriatric, I would safely assume that anyone who wants to watch this is either inebriated beyond the point of logical thought, or has had their wizened brains completely liquified by the god awful music that plagued the 70's and early 80's.