Letterboxd/Film Twitter in a nutshell:

Mom: Hey Michael who is this Luca, is he a new friend of yours?

Me: No Why?

Mom: Because for the last two nights I’ve woken up to you shouting that name in your sleep at 3 o clock in the morning.

Me: Oh sorry mom, yeah he is the director of that movie you watched on cable a couple of weeks ago Call Me By Your Name, yeah mom I’d do anything for him

Mom: So Mike, would you jump off a cliff if this Luca told you to do so?

Me: Well yesterday morning I did put my penis in a peach for him, so I’d be up for anything at this point. 

Mom: Oh Jesus Michael, not this shit again I thought we were passed this type of behavior. I can’t handle another incident like the Lady Bird fiasco that happened last December.

Me: What Lady Bird fiasco?

Mom: You don’t remember the gas station?

Me: No I don’t?

Mom: Do I really need to explain it to you again?

Me: Yeah sorry I forgot?

Mom: Okay I'll tell you one more fucking time. Well, last Christmas on the way home from your Aunt's Christmas party you made me stop on the way back at a gas station. 

Me: Yeah so fucking what?

Mom: Let me finish goddammit. Well, next thing you know you tell me that I have to stop the car screaming at me that you had to pee and that you couldn't hold it till we got to the house. 

Me: Mom get to the Point!

Mom: Okay, well one-minute later I park the car, you got out, and I glance overseeing you walking into the store. Well, next thing you know 2 minutes later I see you walking out of the store with a bag full of two packs of cigarettes, four 15 dollars scratch tickets, and an issue of Playgirl in your hand. 

Me: So what?

Mom: Michael Stephen Marino, you fucking spent all of your Christmas money that your grandma gave you on useless junk! 

Me: Well yeah it was for Greta. 

Mom: For Greta? Michael what is fucking wrong with you, she doesn’t even know that you exist! 

Me: YES SHE DOES! 

Mom: And why a playgirl? Like I didn't even know that they fucking even made Playgirl anymore, what the fuck! And Mike if you were gay you would have told me years ago, are you, Mike?

Me: Hey Mom don’t be a Republican