Suspiria 2019 feels like someone deciding that what a remake of Psycho needs is hours about how Norman keeps up with hotel regulations to keep the motel going, occasionally with moments where he dresses up as his mum and stabs people. But mostly lots of fucking paperwork 

Where the original had a dreamlike logic that makes the whole film feel like a living nightmare as it lurches from madness to madness, this feels pedantic and joyless and tiresome. It’s like someone did an orchestral arrangement of Goblin’s soundtrack to the first film, ironing out all the weirdness and madness and instead replacing it with grinding, predictable, plodding instrumental sections. Even the occasional moments where the film cuts wild feel kind of... boring? Quite what drives someone to watch the original and think “what this is missing is backstory and tedium” is beyond me