Call Me by Your Name

Call Me by Your Name ★★★★★

Every time I watch this film I think I'm ready for it; and for most of the movie I am. However, every time those fucking credits roll and all I can do is sit with sad Timmy while Sufjan Stevens is breaking my heart.

Everything about this film, from the Italian countryside to the relationships to even the fruit juice looked beautiful. I'm starting to realize I'm a sucker for well written romance, it really strikes a chord with me sometimes because I feel like the film understands what I as an audience member really value in experiences and moments. I love watching Elio and Oliver develop this beautiful relationship because it doesn't feel cheap or awkward; rather it felt so honest that it hurt. It was flawed but grew to become something beautiful.

What I think goes unappreciated is how simple and elegant this film is shot. There isn't really any big showy shots in the film, it just effortlessly holds on these longer takes and lets the pieces come together to form a tableau of love and beauty. The best shots are the ones you don't notice. It really is something remarkable.

The big scene with the dad is the beginning of the end for me before I slide down to sadsville. His monologue always just leaves me in a state. It reminds takes me back to memories I had supressed or forgotten over the years and makes me put everything into question. Did I miss my shot at something like this? Or have I not found that someone yet? I'm always constantly second guessing myself but at the very least the future looks bright for me, which is something that I haven't been able to say for a long time. I don't know if the movie taught me that or I'm just in a good emotional headspace right now, but I do know that I'm optimistic.

I felt pretty certain about my rating when the film finished after the credits rocked my soul; but then I started to cry uncontrollably, that's something that very few films and experiences can get from me. Any sad film can get a tear out of me but uncontrollable tears is something else, especially when I have trouble pinpointing the source.

I don't know what else to say. I'm really struggling to convey my feelings right now. Words are futile devices.

It's been a long long time
Since I memorized you face

It's been four hours now
since I wondered through your place

And when I sleep on your couch
I feel very safe

And when you bring the blankets
I cover up my face

I do
...Love you

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