The New Mutants

So this is how the X-Men franchise goes out - not with a bang, but with a whimper. If you think that franchise had it worst with Origins: Wolverine, The Last Stand or even Dark Phoenix, you are dead wrong. This movie was supposedly shot and finished in 2018, and the distributers had it locked away, only to try and sneak it out during Covid, only so the fans wouldn't be too upset or even take notice. The New Mutants is an embarrassment and an insult to their intelligence, suffering from poor directorial efforts, poor dialect choices, poor writing, poor character motivations, poor characters, poor logic, poor score, poor aesthetics and... just about everything, including CGI that look like PS2 cutscenes.

The movie takes place within a GIANT hospital that houses 5 - as in FIVE - youngsters. They are being guarded by one doctor. Why this is the case, is never explained. And that's the best thing about the film. This doctor can produce force fields, preventing the kids from leaving. But one of the youngsters has some sort of teleportation ability, but doesn't use it to teleport outside the energy field. Why that is, is never explained. There are some evil guys behind all this. Who they are, is never explained. Some of their nightmares come to life. Why that is, is never explained. There's a young Brasilien guy, who is very rich and tells us that in every scene. He is also very altruistic and constantly cooks food and washes their clothes. Why everybody there hates him is never explained. There's a guy who has a vision of his dead dad by touching a washing machine (I swear, I'm not making this up). Why this is so, is never explained.

The movie is branded as a horror film, but nothing remotely scary happens within the first 45 minutes. Then some light flickers and some people have visions, and apparently Slender Men with Romanian clothes a la silk shirts and smiley faces is veeeeery scary. I have a ton of questions: Why don't the supposed mutants just use their powers when confronted by the bad guys? How does Illyana's powers work exactly? The same with Moonstar? That can't be a mutation? Wait, what, how? And what happened to the priest? And, seriously, what caused the nightmares to become real?

I was honestly more invested in that Buffy: The Vampire Slayer episode that was playing in the background than whatever the fuck this was. Hopefully, we’ll get a documentary out of this someday that will tell us what went wrong, and was this movie was supposed to be about.

Directed by Josh Boone

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