• Hercules



    Lmao @ me for hating this as a kid bc it wasn’t accurate to Greek mythology

  • Below



    It’s way too long, a little dated, & its reach occasionally exceeds its grasp, but this is otherwise has a great premise, is dynamically shot, tautly cut, uniformly well acted, adorned with immersive production design, & filled with plenty of atmosphere & some clever scares. Would be cool to see Darren Aronofsky write more like this again rather than keep trying to be important

  • Princess Mononoke

    Princess Mononoke


    First time seeing this in a theatre, 5/5

  • 3 from Hell

    3 from Hell


    I didn’t hate this? It looks better than I expected it to & strikes a nice balance between the psychedelic abstraction of House of 1,000 Corpses & the take no prisoners cruelty of The Devil’s Rejects. It’s been years since I saw the latter but remember strongly detesting it, & against my expectations, this actually managed to empathize with the titular psychotic murderers & make me feel for them in a way that so many claim Rejects accomplishes that I just can’t see. Maybe it…

  • Anonymous


    Most incomprehensible historical nonsense I’ve seen since Elvis. Most epic part was when Shakespeare’s ghostwriter banged the queen, said something that offended her, she told him to leave, he spoke in iambic pentameter to win her back, & then she blew him 😎

  • 22 Jump Street

    22 Jump Street


    “Did you know I used homophobic slurs in high school?”

  • Daddy Longlegs

    Daddy Longlegs


    Gonna give it another watch before I’m sure, but this could be my favorite Safdies. It really is just how shaky a majority of the visuals are that are holding back that extra half star, but I love this so much. So personal, so heartfelt, so resonant, so real.

  • Triangle of Sadness

    Triangle of Sadness


    I watched this instead of the Oscars, yet I feel I got the same amount of self aggrandizing, speeches, faux progressive ideals, & relentless moralizing that ultimately amounts to a hollow display of wealth that aspires to critique its own very essence. I’ll admit the captain’s dinner was very funny & admirably gross, but it occurs at the hour mark, & everything beforehand was borderline unwatchable for me. The commentary being made is so leaden & obvious, & the characters are too shallow & vapid to…

  • Hard Rain

    Hard Rain


    Chekhov’s IED. I liked when Betty White got told to shut the fuck up

  • Broken Arrow

    Broken Arrow


    That death by helicopter blades had me hooting & hollering

  • Sicario: Day of the Soldado

    Sicario: Day of the Soldado


    It’s not terrible. Anyone who decries this movie being worse off without Deakins or Villenueve’s visual finesse is nitpicking & biased imo. It looks & sounds phenomenal & has some very effective set pieces. Every step down from the original lies in the script & tone. In regards to the latter, pick one: Michael Bay taken seriously in a geopolitical sense, or Zero Dark Thirty for the bois. You can’t have both. As for the story, I have to join the widespread pile on…

  • The Raid 2

    The Raid 2


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A movie so ferocious that the camera literally trembles with rage. Mann meets Tarantino. I think I slightly prefer the first but really don’t mind the leap in ambition this takes conceptually & in execution, with more varied color, locales, & character than its predecessor, even if it ends up hilariously bloated (I know Mad Dog from the first movie choreographs everything, but does he really need to come back as an OC? It at least amounts to more crazy fights, which…