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  • Florence Foster Jenkins

    Florence Foster Jenkins

    ★★

    Always follow your dreams. Maybe one day Meryl Streep will portray you in a mediocre biopic.

  • Who Killed Captain Alex?

    Who Killed Captain Alex?

    ★★★★

    Aeons from now, in a time so distant it is unfathomable to the human form, the elder beings descend upon a council at the advent of the death of the universe. They communicate in forms beyond our comprehension to ponder one important point: They still haven't figured out who killed Captain Alex.

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  • The Babysitter

    The Babysitter

    ★★★

    fucking lol

  • Friday the 13th

    Friday the 13th

    So like, the backstory of course is that Jason drowned in the lake, and that's part of this film. But Jason, as in the slasher guy with the hockey mask... he isn't even in this? It's his mother killing people? What the heck. Kind of funny how the iconic main character of this franchise isn't even in the first film. Early instalment weirdness hey?

    Also, this blows. I'm surprised at how tame and hokey this is for a film from…

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  • The Problem with Apu

    The Problem with Apu

    ½

    "I certainly deserve a show."

    An impotent, mewling, self-important tirade by some irrelevant comedian about a cartoon character he doesn't like, fuelled with an incredibly reductive analysis of Apu and what he is designed to reflect in American society, and endless examples from the series that are taken out of context in order to make them seem like they are the problem they are in fact making fun of.

    What's really remarkable to me is how narcissistic this dude is.…

  • The Hateful Eight

    The Hateful Eight

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I can't believe I haven't seen this pointed out yet: There are nine of them holed up in the shack. For fuck's sake. Wait no, here's the obligatory plot twist that comes because Quentin Tarantino deliberately obfuscated plot details. As it turns out, it's ten. Learn to count, you hack.

    Now moving on. All of Quentin Tarantino's films are exactly the fucking same and I have finally shed the last sliver of patience I have for his bullshit. Everyone is…