jamie has written 7 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

    ★½

    we skipped attack of the clones because we didn't have enough time and... well it's garbage. so on we moved to revenge of the sith... and here's a secret. i'm always nervous when watching this thing that i'm actually going to find myself liking it... but oh my god i was wrong. i found this thing basically unwatchable.

    a reminder that there are actually people who think this is somehow deep or good... unironically. no. this is the epitome of white trash.

    but it's fine because the prequels aren't canon, THANK GOD.

  • Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

    Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

    ★½

    I..... guess this is a 1.5/2? I mean, it’s dreadful, obviously, but that Darth Maul scene gives us a hint of what the prequels could have been. rogue one is the only SW film that adds to the original trilogy, instead of taking away. but even that isn’t anything special.

    this film is white trash.

  • Knight of Cups

    Knight of Cups

    ★½

    strange film. reallyyy strange film. from first glance, it's Christian Bale with his hands in his pockets, walking around places and staring at the floor for 2 hours. there's plenty of things to unwrap, but the present is not really worth the unwrapping. I hugely admire how Malick does not compromise, he does what he wants to do and doesn't look at any other sources to shape his style. but this one falls short. the music and cinematography are both…

  • Kill Bill: Vol. 2

    Kill Bill: Vol. 2

    ★½

    I would say this one was better than the first one. The stuff with the martial arts master was sort of watchable. I also liked the ending, it meant I didn't have to watch any more poorly filmed action set pieces.

    Both of the films are just rubbish. Bad action. Terrible writing. I don't care for Uma Thurman's character at all. Complete waste of time as far as I'm concerned.

  • Their Finest

    Their Finest

    ★½

    Probably the most Felix Elliott film I've ever seen. Bill Nighy could talk about carbon dating and it would be hilarious.


    I hated the ending. It kinda ruined the film.

  • The Shape of Water

    The Shape of Water

    ★½

    You know when people say "Game of Thrones? Isn't that just dragon porn?"

    Well The Shape of Water, while having great music, performances and production design is basically just fish porn.

    Sorry.

  • Dark Side of the Moon

    Dark Side of the Moon

    ★½

    I spent the WHOLE time thinking this was real. Turns out it was a mockumentary...