RSS feed for Jordan Valerie

Favorite films

Recent activity


Recent reviews

  • Hellraiser: Bloodline

    Hellraiser: Bloodline


    minus the absolutely out of nowhere transmisogynistic conversation between the twins this is probably the only worthwhile hellraiser sequel

  • American Beauty

    American Beauty


    White people amirite?

Popular reviews

  • Man of Steel

    Man of Steel


    I was recently checking iTunes to see if The World's End was available for rental yet, and I saw that Man of Steel was the top movie of the week. I contemplated writing a long, vitriolic review in order to prevent any more poor souls from suffering through such a disaster, but unfortunately I have a pretty tight schedule at the moment; I'll just have to hope that I can convince you without going into too much detail.

    Man of…

  • The Bling Ring

    The Bling Ring


    Going into The Bling Ring, I was worried that it'd just be a weaker version of Spring Breakers. I had heard that Sofia Coppola simply re-tread what Harmony Korine already covered, but with less style, energy, and verve. However, now having seen The Bling Ring, I don't find that comparison to be fair. Whilst The Bling Ring isn't even close to as meaningful, memorable, complex, or unique as Spring Breakers, it never tries to be.

    It tells the not all…