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Pinned reviews

  • Jasper Mall

    Jasper Mall


    "Thank you so much for shopping with us over the years."

    The circle of life as reflected through the prism of a small-town shopping mall an hour from where I grew up. It's all here, but everything must go.

    Documentarians truly are the prospectors of the film industry, and these two directors dug up some golden moments, all the while keeping it in service of a bigger picture. An old domino hound eagerly waiting to meet his maker. A little…

  • The Death of Dick Long

    The Death of Dick Long


    [Seen at the 2019 Sidewalk Film Festival]

    “Y’all motherfuckers wanna get weird?”

    This is the most Alabama film of all time. I’m so goddamn proud of all my friends and acquaintances.

    Five stars and five bars.

Recent reviews

  • Veronica



    “Crosses? God has got nothing to do with it. Leave Him out of it.”

    More metal (i.e. better) than your average demonic possession flick!

    The European setting? The Viking symbology? The wolf painting? The blind nun called Sister Death? Absolutely. But consider this, reader: This film takes place precisely two months before Metallica released their self-titled album, which everyone knows was the death of metal. (You know, it’s sad, but true.)

  • The Devil All the Time

    The Devil All the Time


    "The Lord don't like dark places."

    A heaping helping of Southern Gothic pulp—probably enough for a miniseries, but it works well enough even when it's overstuffed and stretched to Netflix's patented 135-minute runtime. The performances are great, the tone is well-crafted, and sometimes all I want is to see a showdown between Tom Holland and Robert Pattinson in a twelve-pew church.

    However! This is further evidence that voiceover is (almost) always bad. Audiobook-ass narrator stating the obvious and thinking our…

Popular reviews

  • Gretel & Hansel

    Gretel & Hansel


    “She gives us seeds of abundance, and we grow it in our garden.”

    Sustainable sorcery is truly the key component of the charm-to-table movement.

  • Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood


    "I didn't ask for the whole story. What's the idea of the story?"

    Certainly not the masterpiece I was led to believe it is*, but also certainly benefitting from the craftsmanship by one of the industry's top high-floor guys.

    This was a bumpy and uneven ride for me, folks, by some cinematic metrics but most fundamentally in terms of my enjoyment. (After all, this is Hollywood, ain't it?) A film that's probably lacking in Tarantino Moments™ more than any of…