Jeb Happy

Jeb Happy Patron

Favorite films

  • Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
  • Blade Runner
  • Raw
  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Recent activity

All
  • Él

    ★★★★★

  • The Newspaperman: The Life and Times of Ben Bradlee

  • Suspense.

    ★★★★★

  • The Curse

    ★½

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  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

    ½

    Are you fucking kidding me?

    Can we please stop celebrating this regurgitated garbage?

    I've seen this same movie a million times before. We all have. Presenting yet another origin story and franchise reboot, a race to the end credits, complete with the obligatory post-credits sequel tease, ultimately leaving the impression that for the past hour and half you've been watching little more than an extended trailer. An advertisement for the next movie. Only this is far far worse than I…

  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

    ★★★★★

    EUREKA! (duh)

    "A grisly work of art."

    All you hear on the news these days is about crime and violence. Saturn's in retrograde; it's a sign o' the times. Graveyards and slaughterhouses align like rows of timelines etching out eternity. Men are sent off like cattle to die. The technology is changing; death is becoming more applicable, more accessible, and more profitable. Seeped in Vietnam-era anxieties, this sun-soaked portrait of Americana is crumbling under the weight of its own brutality.…

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  • Él

    Él

    ★★★★★

    A distastrous romance compelled by an everyday despot's unfounded entitlement. Francisco presumes himself to be permitted to everything because of his fiery passion. He gets what he wants through force, and tragically mistakes it for love.

    Él often reads like a surreal twist on the Western romcoms of the decade prior, reflecting on the dangerous narcissism which harbors under the guise of intense, unquenchable desire. Buñuel explores the deadly sin of Pride with frightening cinematic confidence -- take a devastating…

  • The Curse

    The Curse

    ★½

    What did Alice Coltrane do to deserve this?

    I get it, modern media controls how we perceive reality, we are trapped in an era of phoniness, yada yada yada. Great point, engaging premise, complete lack of payoff. The Curse dishes out phony musings on society as often as it dishes out contrived conflicts to desperately try and keep our interest. Guess what: cringefests aren't interesting, they're exhausting. Why is this stretched out into a nearly 10 hour affair? It amazes…

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  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

    ★★½

    Has the emotional depth of a TV commercial yet desperately tries to convince the audience all throughout that its drama is anything more than tired clichés and exhausting plot divergences. It's a safe bet: a stylistic marvel that's committed to boisterous action and flashy animation (all of which gets pretty obnoxious at certain points, admittedly), feigns drama with familiar story beats so audiences will eat it up and score tickets to the sequel before the release date is even announced.…

  • The Menu

    The Menu

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    America has a hunger problem. And American media has an obsession with cataloging this problem. The Menu is the latest entry in an asinine saga of post-millenial thrillers which subject a cast of ignorant aristocrats to a game of perturbed class warfare. The Saw series questioned how much its post-9/11 civilians truly appreciated Life; Would You Rather presented a sickly account of us v them politicking at the dinner table, at the behest of a rich psychopath. Now, The Menu