Everything Everywhere All at Once

Everything Everywhere All at Once ★★★★★

Haven't written anything personal on here (or really anywhere) in awhile but this just made me feel the need to reflect and sort some things out, which I've always found easiest to do through writing. All this just to say that this is far more about me than the film itself.

The last couple months I've been doing a lot of thinking back, and not in the best of ways exactly. On previous friendships, almost relationships, apartments, jobs, and places. I recently visited both Denver and LA, cities I lived and grew in and have so much affection for still. And while I absolutely had fun, I was pained the whole time with what ifs and the stress has stayed with me since.

What if I'd stayed there? Should I have and who would I be? What if I'd done things differently with certain people I'd cared about or who cared about me? How and why did I end up where I am now? Is it too late to change things and go back?

I feel like I have moved and bounced around jobs so often that I can see all these alternate versions of myself who took different paths. And it's hard for me to reconcile them with the person I am now and not to feel defeated.

I am so fascinated and moved by the way this film looks at Evelyn's lives. It's isn't about having regrets or not, or discovering which path you should have taken. But there is something really insightful here about loving and accepting all the parts and possibilities of yourself. And being grateful and caring towards the people who have been there for you at various stages of your life.

I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads once more with what to do with myself and in particular where I want to be, that both is and isn't self imposed. And to be honest I feel like much of that is fueled by a sense of missed opportunities and that being where I am now is somehow a mistake. This movie makes me feel more able to let go of that and just be. As well as discover that maybe no decision is inherently right or wrong. Perhaps the trick is to take what you've learned from everywhere you've been and everyone you've connected with to be the best version of you that you can be.

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