• Three Kings

    Three Kings


    This movie is set at the end of Gulf War 1, which is the war where there was global outrage because the Americans DIDN'T get rid of Saddam. Don't confuse the situation with Gulf War 2, where there was global outrage because the Americans DID get rid of Saddam.

  • Dune



    The chosen one eats lots of sand and looks after his mother.

  • Shadowlands



    If you're looking for that "good cry solved with a cup tea" feeling, give this film a watch.

  • Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom

    Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom


    I'm offended by this review. Please censor it.

  • Allen v. Farrow

    Allen v. Farrow


    Fully biased; fully true.

  • Father of the Bride

    Father of the Bride


    The greatest romance
    of all the time,
    Is Jizzmonkey
    and his inamorata,
    Anuette Baguette.
    He loves her unqualifiedly,
    And she, invariably,
    Has his name
    upon her lips.
    Well it turns out,
    Forever is
    a subjective curse,
    Because she
    with fury, left.
    But she's back again,
    Wanting love given,
    Yet admitting nothing
    in return.

  • The Alphabet Killer

    The Alphabet Killer


    Aargh where do I start with this garbage. Wait, that's not fair. It's an ok film. I'm just so over serial killers. They're starting to really annoy me, with their murdering ways and stupid sick fantasies. And there are far too many movies about them. However, Eliza Dushku did start to piss me off after a while, and I strayed into a dream where I considered my options, such as whether to restrain her with a pillow, tape her to…

  • The Bachelors

    The Bachelors

    What a stupid fucking film. Julie Delpy is a high-school teacher without a boyfriend? - no fucking way. And she wants the old dude whose wife's deader than a fucking doornail and he cries all day? And as for the kid, a total fucking knobknuckle, and the rest of them too for that matter. What a sappy truckload of fucking garbage; about as much depth as a puddle in the desert. Give me fucking strength, oh Lord, I beg of you.

  • Deep Water

    Deep Water


    Autocorrect kills yet another person.

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog


    The writing by Campion is finely tuned with such realism you think you're right there in the hay. The following conversation, situated at some point in between the beginning of the movie and the end, surely can't be matched for quality within the entire genre.

    -You been fooling with chickens.
    -Gotta do well eat them.
    -What you got?
    -Who how why not.
    -We done work and it pains so.
    -Where be Vaseline?
    -Have it no more.
    -I sure been doing it a terrible lot.

  • The Big Short

    The Big Short


    The hero dude in this, he's not the only one in on the action: I took a big short this morning, and it felt great when all my plans for it panned out. I gotta get myself to Wall Street where I'll be acknowledged as the true genius that I am.

  • Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives.

    Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives.


    ​A nice yet strange woman has her life, and the lives of others, upended because of a spell laid upon her by a person who controls her fully and makes her believe amazing things, like how he has the power to bestow upon her beloved dog the gift of immortality and that transferring substantial sums of money to him, in the form of obvious theft, is a good idea.