Me: Gosh, it’s really raining hard, and you’re not running fast enough! I’ll just pick you up and carry you.

Lady I hardly know: What? No, please, I’m perfectly fine.

Me: Upsie daisy!

LIHK: Hey! What the fuck are you doing?

Me: Carrying you to safety!

LIHK: Put me down you moron! Listen, I was on the varsity track team in high school, I’m a perfectly good runner.

Me: *huff* *paff* *huff* No I got this.

LIHK: PUT ME DOWN! I swear to God if you drop me I will crack your skull with a rubber tree.

Me: *huff* *gasp* *huff* Just … a few more … yards … damn you’re heavy.

LIHK: First of all, fuck you, and second of all, do me a favor and swing by the car, I left my cigarettes in there.